


All About Steve

by FallOutStucky



Series: All Or Nothing [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Christmas, Confused Bucky Barnes, Flashbacks, I don´t even know why there are so many, M/M, New Years, No not the bradley cooper movie, POV Bucky Barnes, Pining, Teacher!Bucky, Thor Is a Good Bro, White Collar character appearance, baker!Steve, mentions of Destiel, seriously so many flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-05-08 12:16:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5496755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallOutStucky/pseuds/FallOutStucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes has absolutely no idea what to do about the dumb crush he has on his best friend. Luckily enough though, it seems that everyone else in his live knows what.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm a young lover's rage

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to do a little thing for the holidays and here it is, enjoy!  
> And thanks to my amazing best friend and beta @carryonmywaywardstucky!  
> Also I may have named every chapter after a fall out boy lyric...

  
  
Bucky Barnes hates Steve Rogers.  
  
He hates him with a burning passion, like he has hated no one else before and never would again. He just hates everything about him, his fucking blue eyes, bis blond hair and his smile. The way he always manages to cheer Bucky up when he is sad or stressed out and makes the best goddamn mac'n'cheese in the whole world for comfort food. But most of all he hates the way his too tight black shirt hugs those goddamn muscles. Disgusting.  
  
Steve Rogers is his best friend, and Bucky hates him.  
  
He sits down in front of said hate object after returning from yet another horrible blind date and takes the cup of hot chocolate Steve hands him.  
  
"So Buck, how did your date go?", he asks with honest interest.  
  
Bucky just shruggs. Why is he even talking to this asshole? All he would do now is make a fool out of himself. Most of all, because Steve Rogers was the reason Bucky even has to go on all those fucking terrible, terrible dates.  
  
"Oh, quite well actually. Her name is Alex, she was really nice. Works in a bookshop. That's good I guess. Isn't it? I mean better than that last girl whose only job description was 'I help out' what does that even mean? With what does she help out? Shopping? Cleaning? Murder? Most likely something criminal don't you think so?"  
Steve nods listening interested, taking a sip of his coffee and a bite from his cinnamon bun, while Bucky's continues to talk absolute nonsense.  
  
Another thing Bucky hates about Steve. He caused him total brain damage. Bucky is sure that he couldn't tell his own name and date of birth while Steve was around. And this idiot did even listen to Bucky's shit.  
  
"Anyway, Alex was so much nicer. And beautiful as hell, believe me. I'd never guessed her as a shop assistant and I'm actually not sure you can afford a Chanel dress with a clerk's loan. Maybe at Nordstrom or something, but not at a bookstore."  
  
Steve raises his eyebrows, biting on his lower lip. Like he always did when he tried not to laugh. It looks so fucking gorgeous that Bucky hates him a little more right away.  
He pushes his hair back, staring absent at his raspberry-lemon muffin.  
  
"Clint sat me up with a criminal again, didn't he?", he asks. More rhetorical but Steve answers anyway.  
  
"That may be true."  
  
"Aah! I knew it. I'm going to kill him! Why do I even allow him to arrange those shitty dates for me?"  
  
Bucky knows exactly why.  
  
"It's an eternal miracle for me how and where he meets al those girls". He glares over to where his friend is currently standing behind the counter preparing coffee for some customers.  
  
"Why can't I just meet a nice, good looking girl, with a real, normal job who likes dogs, cake and dumb action movies. Someone who makes stupid jokes and gets exited for Halloween and Christmas with me? Even likes my little habits and doesn't get annoyed by them and cooks for me because I'm a fucking mess after a whole day of school. I mean..."  
Bucky looks up from his cup at a amused smirking Steve.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Bucky. Shut up and eat your muffin."  
  
Another thing about Steve, that Bucky absolutely hates: he would let Bucky ramble on for a while and then tries to shut him up with a single smile and some of his fucking delicious pastries. And god damn it, it worked. Bucky sighs. What he definitely hates the most about Steve though, was how much he liked him. Probably too much to be just his best friend.  
  
He pulls the red Christmas paper off of his muffin and takes a bite. It tastes like heaven on earth. The sweetness of the raspberries melts together perfectly with the sour lemon taste and Bucky closes his eyes taking in the whole flavor.  
  
"So is it any good?", Steve asks self doubting as ever. "I wasn't sure about the whole raspberries in cake thing."  
  
"Are you kidding?", Bucky moans. "It's amazing."  
  
Everything he does is fucking amazing. Steve blushes a little and Bucky suddenly realizes that he said the last part out loud too. Fuck.  
  
"Thanks I guess..."  
  
"Yeah, mean your chocolate cake is to die for and don't even get me started on your vanilla cream donuts", Bucky tries to rescue himself. It seems to work, because Steve's blush vanishes and he laughs out loud.  
  
"I'm a pretty good baker, ain't I?"  
  
Bucky smirks, looking around the full coffee shop. Some guests are just random people who stopped by while shopping or just because they craved some pastries. Others are regulars, like the eight year old Sharon Carter and her aunt Peggy who drop by every Thursday after the little girl's ballet class. Thor from the bar across the street who always comes by before his shifts and eats enough apple pie for ten or Sam and Natasha, the two cops who are currently sitting in their usual booth next to Bucky and Steve's and with whom Bucky had become really good friends over the years.  
  
"How did you come to that conclusion?"  
  
"Oh, you know..."

 

They are interrupted by Clint, screaming over to them from behind the counter, trapped there by his cashier duty.  
  
"Hey, Rogers! Get off your lazy ass and get some work done." He hands the girls in front of him their petite-fours. "Here you are, ladies. Enjoy your meal. But for real, we need more of the chocolate-cookies. Were the hell did they all go? I can't believe we sold all five dozens already."  
  
Steve swallows the last chunk of his cinnamon bun and gets up.  
  
"That's not how you talk with your boss, Clint", Steve shoots back. "Behave or I'll let you wash up for the rest of the month."  
  
"You'd never!"  
  
Bucky chuckles and takes his muffin, getting up too.  
  
"Oh, you don't have to go...", Steve insists, but Bucky shakes his head.  
  
"Nah, it's time. I have about a thousand papers to grade. I'll just eat on the way, I mean I don't think I will finish it in time, but...", he said nodding towards the ceiling or more accurate his apartment on the second floor.  
  
"Alright then. Come down for dinner if you like, I'm making chicken quesadillas", Steve says, walking towards the kitchen and waving after Bucky.  
  
Another thing he hates about his best friend: He protects Bucky every so often from starving.  
  
"Okay, bye." _Wow, Bucky, A+ reaction._  
  
He shoulders his bag and follows Steve, but instead of turning left to the kitchen, Bucky plans to go right to the staircase. He glares at Clint who opens his mouth to say something but Bucky cuts him off right away.

  
"No. Don't even talk to me, Barton. You're dead to me! Bye, Sam. Natasha", he adds walking past their table, giving them a little wave and is around the corner before either of them can manage to slip out the sassy comment they were obviously about to make.  
  
Bucky takes a deep breath and stuffs the muffin in his mouth to pick up the box of groceries he has gotten on his way home. A paper bag is put on top of it, a few words written above it in neat, clear handwriting.  
  
 _Put you a few of the chocolate-cookies aside for tomorrow. There are enough for the kids as well. Don't tell Clint ; )_  
  
Fucking Steve Rogers. How could somebody be that perfect?  
  
Bucky climbs up the stairs, passing Steve´s apartment on the first floor and reaches his own one. He shifts the box to get the door keys out of his jacket, kicks the door open and places the groceries on a dresser before taking off his jacket and hanging it into the small closet to his right.  
  
Then he closes the door and enters his apartment. It consists of only one room directly under the roof. The wall at the stairs side is plastered with shelves and books, the longer, diagonally walls on one side crowded with his desk and work stuff and the other one with a kitchen tile and a dining table. The bed and TV are placed on a gallery which is simultaneous the ceiling of his bathroom. His clothes and other stuff are usually splattered across the apartment or hung on a free standing clothing rack, due to the lacking space on the platform.  
  
He shuffles over to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of orange juice, takes the history exams out of his bag and settles down, wrapped in a thick, warm hoodie at his desk in front of the half open window. Outside Bucky can hear everything damped from the thick snow still falling down outside of the cafe, the cars driving down the road and the people chatting.  
  
Bucky loves it. It is his home. A nice place with people he liked and who liked him. He could even handle the sudden outbursts of hate if that meant staying around his best friend for a bit longer.  
  
  
  



	2. Bring home the boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two. Yey! Okay, this is just a flashback and I've decided to make it an extra chapter since it's quiet long. But it's important and will make sence later I promise!

Bucky loves it. It was his home. A nice place with people he liked and who liked him. He could even handle the sudden outbursts of hate if that meant staying around his best friend for a bit longer.

Bucky met Steve four years ago.  
It was late July and he had just moved back from California, where he had gone to college, to live in his old home town again. He had found a job before moving but still needed somewhere to live. Currently, he was sharing a two room apartment with his Grandma, since his parents where dead and his sister studied across the sea at her fancy European literature school.

Well as nice as it was, sleeping on his Grandma's couch and eating her uncountable variations of potato dishes, Bucky desperately needed his own place.  
But that wasn't as easy as it sounded. He'd spent almost three months searching for something affordable in Brooklyn, which also wasn't to far away from his workplace and had a good connection to public transportation, since Bucky didn't own a car. With no luck.

Even at the day that Bucky would always consider to be the best fucking day of his entire life, the day he had met Steve, he had spent most of his time visiting apartments.

The first one was placed over a nightclub so Bucky wouldn't get any sleep there.  
Better than the second one though, which Bucky was strongly convinced lay on the same floor as a shady meth lab. The last one was actually really nice and not that expensive. Maybe it was a little small, but the landlord has seemed friendly and the neighbors quiet. The only problem was, that the building was a forty minute drive away from Bucky's workplace. With public transport even longer.

Depressed and hungry, in a (kinda of!?) new city without any friends or even a real home, he had stumbled through the streets and came, only around the corner from his Grandma, across a little bakery. He'd been never to this part of Brooklyn since moving back and it looked very different from what he remembered.

Said shop was now, where in Bucky's childhood Rosie's Flowershop had been.  
The elderly woman who had owned it, now lived across the floor from his Grandma and played poker with the two of them, kept calling him Jimmy and gave him sweets when his Grandma wasn't looking like he was twelve years old.

Maybe this was of the reason (maybe it was just fate, he liked to think from time to time) why Bucky went into the coffee shop instead of going straight to the bar across the street.

Bucky remembered that the shop had been really crowded and the first thing he'd recognized after entering was a young guy with shaggy silver colored hair who jumped around between the tables giving out coffee and pastries to the mass of people.  
He moved with a joy and positiveness which seemed to be contagious to all the people around him with whom he laughed and joked in an easy manner.  
He took a look at the boys name tag. It told Bucky that his name was Pietro. Bucky liked him immediately. He looked a bit wild and unsettled but still totally confident of who and where he was.

He shared a strange east european accent with the girl behind the bar who was chatting with a sand blond man, maybe a few years older than Bucky while he made coffee and she put plates with cake on a tray.  
There was no line waiting so Bucky walked straight to the counter. The girl looked up when he stepped in her eyesight.

"Hey, welcome...", she started with a lovely smile but was interrupted by shaggy hair boy.

"Hey, Sis, gimme those trays and go get more of the mini pies from the kitchen."

She looked at Bucky, a sorry smile on her lips. "I'm sorry, duty calls." Then she turned to the blond guy. "Hey old man, take care of that lost little puppy here!"

She winked at him and vanished behind the door which, how Bucky assumed led to the kitchen. She was as beautiful from near as she'd already seemed from the door with her dark eyeliner and red hair strains. A bit rebellious but clever, a cliche of punk rock college girl.

"Sure thing, Wanda. Hey man", the blond greeted. Clint, his name tag told Bucky. "What can I get you?"

"Ahem..." Bucky rubbed his neck, shifting a bit uncomfortable. "I... okay I'm sorry I haven't decided yet. Is there anything you can recommend."

The guy - Clint, Bucky reminded himself - nodded, smirking at Bucky.  
"Yeah, no problem. My personal favorite is the cherry pie, but you look more like the chocolate kinda person!"

Bucky shrugs. "Yeah, whatever 's fine. Just need something sugary to brighten up my mood, ya' know?"

"Don't worry bro, I got you. I know exactly what you need!", Clint called out, starting to put a plate on the counter, he looked up at Bucky again. "Something to drink with it?", he asked.

Brooklyn. His old home town. This old shop. Finally being at a place he felt comfortable at.  
There was only one thing Bucky wanted. "Yeah, do you have Strawberry Milkshakes?"

"Sure. One moment, I…", he had stopped mid sentence, shooting a look past Bucky.  
The brunet turned around. It was the first time Bucky saw the other two people who would change his life for the better. Clint's gaze was locked onto the two cops, more exactly on the petite, red headed girl.

Bucky didn't exactly remember the first thing he thought when seeing Sam Wilson and Natasha Romanov for the first time, but it had to be something along the lines: There had never been a more handsome couple and fucking uniforms!

He didn't bother looking any longer at them because he was pretty sure, the girl would eat him alive if he would even make as much as a move towards her.

Clint though hadn't had that strength, Bucky and his order where completely forgotten when he slipped away, opening the kitchen door only far enough to stick his head through it and shouted something that sounded like "Steve! Code Red!" Before heading of towards the booth the two cops sat in.

"Ahem…", Bucky started, looking around for one of the siblings from earlier, feeling suddenly lost again. But not for long. Because before Bucky could turn around again the doors to the kitchen swing open. A few seconds earlier, Bucky had thought that Natasha and Sam were the hottest people walking around in Brooklyn's streets. But then he'd seen one Steve Rogers…

The first thing he recognized of Steve was his deep, warm voice, apologizing behind him.  
"I'm sorry. Clint can be a bit rude from time to time. The thing's just, that Clint has a thing for Natasha and she really likes him to I think, but she also seems to have a thing for Sam who's in love with one of the other regulars. Though Pietro seems to have a crush on Clint. However, I'm sorry. What can I help you with?"

Then Bucky turned around and…

His breath caught in his throat. In front of him, in a red apron and a tight black shirt, flour and frosting splattered all over it stood the most beautiful person in the whole world.  
Like if Helena of Troy had a kid with Adonis which also happened to be part puppy.  
Blond strains of hair hang into his baby blue eyes, which he was Bucky looking up and down with. Suddenly Bucky felt a rush of insecurity. He knew he didn't look half bad…or so he´d been told. But he certainly couldn't compete with the specimen in front of him.

"Hi", the guy finally said, breaking the awkward tension. He smiled and god, that smile could cure diseases and heal broken bones. Right now, though, right now it was all Bucky needed to have hope again.

"Hello", Bucky answered. "I am… I didn't really order anything, yet. Although ... I crave something with chocolate. Apparently… i really don't know. Surprise me.

The blond nodded. "I think I have quiet the thing for you. How about you search for a place to sit and I send it over to you? You can pay afterwards."

Bucky agreed and took the first empty seat he found. It happened to be a booth with red leather benches next to the window. Why not use the time he got waiting and search for some more apartments to look after?, Bucky thought. Oh what joy!

Bucky had put the dozens of papers and magazines from his bag on the table and even connected his laptop to the free Wi-Fi, by the time Pietro, the silver haired boy, brought his stuff. A piece of apple pie with whipped cream and …

"Here. Steve said you hadn't ordered any kind of drink so he just gave you what he thought fitted best. So a strawberry milkshake it is."

"Thanks", Bucky said and couldn't help but smile brightly. Bucky concluded that hot blond and muscled had to be Steve since he hadn't worn a name tag. And well it seemed, like great minds did indeed think alike.

He had finished half of his milkshake and the whole pie while marking four apartments down under 'look closer at'. Two of them seemed quite alright, one was a bit more expensive than Bucky had wanted and the fourth, again to far away, but it were the best he had found yet.

He was so deepened into his papers that he didn't recognize Steve standing besides his table and watching Bucky with that small, sunny, now amused, smile from earlier.

"Oh hey", he greeted the blond, trying to smile at least partly as cute and friendly.

"You liked the milkshake?", he asked. A bit self-consious while rubbing his neck. "You looked like you could use it."

The apron was now gone and Bucky could see that Steve was not only wearing a normal black shirt but a black Supernatural shirt. Winchester's University was written in white letters, in front of a red devil's trap, across his chest.

Bucky himself had watched the show since it had first aired in 2005 and counted it as his favorite. He really started to like this guy.

Steve had caught Bucky staring at the t-shirt and blushed.

"I'm… it's just…", he muttered. "Listen, it was a present and it's about a tv show. I'm not a satanist or anything!"

Bucky just stared at him before starting to laugh, the loudest and most happy laugh he'd been able to in the last two weeks. Steve joined him after a few seconds.

"Yeah. Yeah, I know. Supernatural. It's my favorite", Bucky managed to say between breaths.

"Really? Mine too."

"Yeah. It's awesome! The show and the shirt I mean."

"Thanks, I got it at the hot topical."

"Wow. That was bad."

"I know, I'm sorry."

The embarrassed smile slowly vanished into an interested smirk as the blond sat down opposites Bucky.

"I'm Steve by the way. Steve Rogers."

Bucky shook his hand.

"James Barnes. But everyone calls me Bucky."

"Well it is really nice to meet you, Bucky. Okay now, I have to ask. What on earth are you doing with all this stuff and 's that what upsets you? Because I'm sorry if that comes out a bit like I'm a weird stalker, but you were scowling the whole time you sat here. Not even my legendary apple pie and strawberry milkshake could turn your mood around."

Bucky looked up from the papers his eyes had involuntarily shifted to again.

"Well I… wait, what do you mean ‘your pie‘? You made this?"

Steve nodded proudly. "I actually own this place."

"No shit. That's amazing, Steve. You're how old? Twenty-three?"

"I've just turned twenty-four last week."

"How?", Bucky asked unbelieving.

"Learned a few things from my mom, got this place from my great aunt, found a good team and the rest just fell together I guess", Steve answered, the subject visibly uncomfortable to him, like he wasn't used to compliments.

"But don't change the topic. What are you doing?"

Bucky let his shoulders sink and clasped his hands over his head.

"Well I'm searching for an affordable place to live. Unsuccessful though and I'm slowly losing hope."

And although he couldn't see it, Bucky heard Steve's smile being back.

"Well I may have the solution for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also here's the shirt Steve's wearing: 
> 
> http://www.theshirtlist.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/WINCHESTER-UNIVERSITY-T-Shirt.jpg


	3. One night and one more time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is! Fucking finally!!! I'm really sorry, but I was a bit busy with studying for my graduation exams so it took a bit of time. The next ones will be up much sooner, I promise! :)

At nine o'clock Bucky is done correcting about half the history papers. Sure he has time till after Christmas break but he wanted them to be done before the holidays to have it off his back.  
  
Now he is tired and hungry, so he decides to go shower and take up on Steve's offer for dinner.  
He doesn't bother to put on something more formal since it´s just the two of them and just leaves in gray sweat pants and a simple blue Henley.  
  
He knocks at the door of Steve's apartment.  
  
"It's open!", the blond yells from inside. Bucky pulls at the door and enters.  
  
The apartment is warm and comfy, the surface pretty much the same as Bucky's though Steve's is almost twice the size, since Bucky has to share his with the attic oft he building, with a much bigger and more modern kitchen.  
  
Like in Bucky's apartment the walls between his cooking and living area were torn down to create an open space with a wooden bar, from which one could look directly to the television. Though Steve has a separate room as his bedroom and even an approachable closet and guest room.  
  
Right now, the bar is splattered with slices of puff pastry, the plate, the floor and Steve himself are covered in flour. The man himself is currently stirring in a metal bowl.  
  
"Hey Buck", Steve greets him, smiling absently and concentrated on filling the pastries. Bucky shakes his head fondly. Steve still wears this dumb black shirt, which looked even better, now that he wore it with gray sweatpants and the Christmas themed apron which Steve had originally gotten for Bucky last year but soon started using himself. Mostly because Bucky is one oft he most untalented cooks there are and would burn down the building if he´d try as much as bake a single cupcake on his own. Under Steve´s supervision and with a lot of help though he manages at least a decent chocolate cake.  
  
The brunet leans over the bar, trying to get a better look at what Steve's creating.  
He tastes the stuff and frowns. Bucky knew that look. Something is missing.  
Steve licks his lips. God damn it. Suddenly Bucky´s feeling a lot warmer.  
  
"Here try", he decides, holding the spoon towards Bucky.  
  
"I thought for the winter season, I could make the stuffed cherry pokes with apples, almonds and cinnamon or cranberry vanilla filling. The cranberry ones are already cooling down on the dining table, but I'm having a bit of trouble with the apple ones."  
  
Bucky lowers his mouth at the spoon... exactly where Steve's had been only seconds before.  
  
Don't fucking think about it, Barnes!  
  
He holds the taste on his tongue, trying to make out the difference between the flavors. There is a hint of marzipan which Bucky blames on the almonds, as well as the sweetness of the apples and of course the cinnamon. All in all, it feels like warmth, love and home.  
  
"I don't know", he says honestly. "It tastes perfectly amazing to me."  
  
"No it´s not. It's just sweet, the spice is missing. You need a balance in the flavors to create that perfect feeling of winter. You know, when it's ice cold outside, but warm and comfortable inside."  
  
"Wow, Stevie, you're going all philosophical on me now? With food?"  
  
"Bucky. I mean it. It needs to be perfect."  
  
"It is, Steve", Bucky states, equally stubborn. Steve presses his lips together, looking fucking adorable doing so and braces his hands on his hips.  
  
"Yeah...I´m gonna ad nutmeg… Hey how about you take the plates and forks out and get us something to drink while I finish this and fill it into the pastry? The quesadillas will be done in about ten minutes."  
  
Of course he'd already prepared the food, of course he'd had known, Bucky would come over.  
  
"Eye, eye Captain!", Bucky teases and steps away from the bar.  
  
Steve shakes his head chuckling, while Bucky rounds Steve's working space and picks out the red plates from the cupboard besides the fridge.  
  
This is another point for which Bucky loves eating at Steve's, besides of course that his best friend was an amazing cook, he owned plates and bowls covered in all the colors of the rainbow. Something that provided way more fun when eating on Bucky's black and white ones.  
  
Gosh, he is really spending too much time with little children.  
  
He opens the fridge, quickly checking Steve's stocks. Most of it are just things Steve needs for his various backing experiments, in between packed meat, vegetables and down on the last board a few bottles of beer, lemonade and juice.  
  
"Is lemonade okay?", Bucky asks, already knowing the answer and pouring it into two glasses. Steve doesn't drink anything harder than coke on any nights besides Friday and Saturday, when he doesn't have to get up again at 5am.  
  
"Sounds good to me", Steve answers, while Bucky steps backwards and collapses down on the couch, after placing the glasses on the table though. He picks up a scrambled piece of paper from the side table.  
  
"So, what's next on the list?", Steve asks from the kitchen.  
  
The list is something the two of them started about two years ago when they realized that being a teacher and coffee shop owner meant not really having the time and energy to go out on most evenings.  
  
So, combined with their similar taste in movies and half a bottle of tequila each, they came up with a, at that time about 100 options long, list with movies they wanted to watch. It was slowly growing whenever one of them found another one they liked.  
  
And so, now and then, when neither of them had or wanted something exiting to do, they settled down to work up the list. At the moment, they were at movie number 113.  
  
"The Vow…. Who the hell wrote that down?" Bucky frowns. A cheesy romantic comedy his sister one time mentioned was the last thing his mind needs at the moment.  
  
Sure he goes on all those dates and sleeps with all those random people to get over his crush, but somehow it had just worsened over the last few months.  
  
Steve peaks around the corner, shrugging nonchalantly. "Kate suggested it once. I guess she just wrote it down at some point. We don't have to watch it if you don't want to, though."  
  
Bucky shakes his head vehemently, because he is stubborn like that.  
  
"No. It's on the list, so we're gonna watch it."  
  
As awkward as it was gonna be for Bucky and his dumb feelings to watch a romantic movie with Steve, he wouldn't let it come to the surface.  
He will watch this romance stuff like a man.  
  
"Alright then", Steve says only a few minutes later, which Bucky spends mostly running various scenarios through his mind in which he could somehow embarrass himself while watching the movie, rounding the bar with two steamy plates in hands.  
  
"Mhmm", Bucky all but moans. "Stevie, this smells fantastic." His stomach grumbled as to underline his words.  
  
Steve hands him the plate and Bucky digs his fork into the cheese and vegetable filled tortilla.  
  
"And it tastes amazing as well. Unsurprisingly", Bucky grins.  
  
The movie doesn't really manage to capture Bucky's attention and after finishing his meal he has nothing to distract him anymore.  
  
Now he is painfully aware of Steve's feet brushing his thighs. Of the warm presence of his handsome best friend next to him, only paused when Steve gets up to take the pastries out of the oven.  
  
Now and then Steve throws in a sassy comment and it is obvious how much he dislikes the movie as well.  
  
"You know, romantic comedies always remind me of my own loneliness", he says after a while.  
  
Bucky broke his stoic strained position to look at Steve.  
  
"Why? I mean, you got us all. Sam and Nat. Clint, Kate and the twins. And then there's me of course. And your family. I mean, your mom's amazing and all your aunts and uncles are always there for you. Even Aunt Rosie, although she still calls me Jimmy and makes me lose all my money."  
  
And then, just as Channing Tatum is about to pick a fight with Rachel McAdams ex in front of all the guests on her parents' anniversary, the screen flickers and goes black. Along all the lights with the apartment.  
  
"What the…?"  
  
"Shit."Bucky hears Steve fumbling with his phone and is suddenly blended by the flashlight his best friend has turned on.  
  
It is nothing unusual, theirs was an old building and the power goes off pretty often during the cold season. Steve has installed an emergency generator for the coolers down in the shop but they don't work for anything else in the building.  
  
"I'll get candles. This way we have at least some light", Steve announces.  
  
Bucky frowns. "Okay."  
  
Perfect. First the romantic comedy and now fucking candles! The universe seems to laugh at Bucky Barnes.  
  
He stands up to take two of the blankets from the other couch. Without the power, the electronic heaters wouldn't provide heat any longer and he certainly doesn't want to freeze on top of everything else.  
  
Steve returns soon after with a bunch of candles and a lighter. He sets them up on the table and around the two of them on the floor. Bucky helps him turn them on and the smell of the fresh lit candles soon fills the air.  
  
The dim warm light reminds Bucky painfully of his childhood, of before his parents died in that horrible car crash. His Mom used to shut down the lights and lit a few candles, made hot chocolate for him and his sister during Christmas time, tugged them into warm blankets and she or their Dad read them stories from the old fairy tale book the kids had found at an even older bookstore. Now the book was safely stored in a box in Bucky's dresser and no one had read it in a long, long time.  
  
Since his parents' death Bucky has simply somehow missed this feeling of family, especially since his sister got married and has a family on her own now.  
  
"I even found a camping lantern in the cupboard", Steve says proudly, turning the thing on before he settles down besides Bucky on the couch and pulls the blankets over the two of them and Bucky out of his sad thoughts.  
  
"So…what now?", Bucky asks after sitting down himself.  
  
Steve thinks for a moment before his eyes light up, smiling that bright smile that gets Bucky every time.  
  
"What are you doing?", Bucky asks when Steve gets up and walks towards the closet to their left.  
  
"I just thought of something", Steve mutters while digging through the mess which is the inside of his closet. It harbors various board games, blankets and other stuff Steve may need sometime but mostly just wanted out of his eyesight to have it tidier in his apartment.  
  
With a bit of effort and trying to hold two boxes inside with the help of his left food, Steve manages to pull a couple photo albums out.  
  
"Alright grandpa", Bucky teases. "Who even has photo albums anymore?"  
  
Steve blushes and rolls his eyes. Which looks extremely cute and adorable.  
  
"Shut up. I do. And be thankful about that because otherwise we wouldn't have anything to do right now."  
  
"Okay, okay I didn't say anything. Now give me one of those", Bucky says making grabby hands at Steve.  
  
"Patient."  
  
He puts them down on the couch next to Bucky but doesn't sit down right away.  
  
"I have a box of self made pralines in the kitchen, after that stupid movie I kinda crave them. You want some as well?"  
  
"Do I want some? What kinda question is that Stevie?"  
  
Steve smirks. "Alright, I'll be right back."  
  
He turns around and leaves for the kitchen. Bucky shamelessly stares at his ass when he goes. Hey, he's only human. He could stare at the person he had a stupid crush on. Even if said person happens to be ones best friend.

Bucky grabs one of the albums. He moves his hand over the cover of the dark green one.  
Of course Steve has photo albums. Fucking nerd.  
They were even lettered. The one Bucky is currently holding is titled: **Steve's childhood memories 1989 - 1999**  
  
"Oh god! Not this. I totally forget about that!" Steve cringes when he sits down besides Bucky. A blond hair lock hanging into his eyes and Bucky resists the urge to tuck it behind his ears. Instead, he grabs the bowl from Steve's lap and replaced it with the album.  
  
The bowl was half filled with pralines and half with the baked goodies Steve prepared before Bucky arrived. He takes one of the pralines and eyes them suspiciously.  
  
"Do we have to play that game or are they all good?", he asks as honest as possible.  
  
Steve knocks his elbow into Bucky's side who pretends to be hurt.  
  
"Have I ever made something that didn't taste good?", he says, cracking a smile.  
  
"Mhm…? Well there was this one time you tried to feed me your burned pancakes…"  
  
Steve squints, his lips pressed together in a thin line. "Uagh. Please don't remind me of that! But that doesn't count I was drunk and so were you!"  
  
"Still…" Impatiently Steve grabs Bucky's wrist with the hand holding the chocolate praline.  
  
"It tastes good."  
  
Bucky shakes his head vehemently.  
  
"I'll take no risk."  
  
Steve turns around. "Eat it."  
  
"No."  
  
Faster than Bucky could even react, Steve takes the bowl away and starts to shove the chocolate into Bucky's mouth who tries as hard as he possibly could to keep his lips closed.  
  
"Eat it."  
  
Angry head shaking.  
  
„Eat it.“  
  
Steve's right hand reaches to Bucky's side, just beneath his hips where he is extremely ticklish. Which Steve knows, of course.  
  
Bucky's eyes widen in horror. No Steve would never…  
And sure as hell he would the little shit he is. He presses one hand against Steve's shoulder and tries to shove him away.  
  
It takes all of Bucky's strength not to open his mouth and laugh. Or scream. Or both. To defend himself further, he pulls his legs up and tries to kick Steve away from him but the taller man is to heavy and on top of it a lot stronger than Bucky.  
  
Steve giggles like a fifteen year old school girl at Bucky's lame attempt to shove him away. He just pushes Bucky back and holds his hand still, fingers wrapped around Bucky's wrist in a firm grip, holding Bucky still with his arm over his head. With his right hand he begins to tickle Bucky's side even more. Lower where he is even more ticklish. Lower and lower until Steve has almost reached the place where Bucky's shirt has ridden up his stomach.  
  
Bucky gasps. This tiny second of his mouth not entirely closed is all Steve needs to shove the praline into it. Or at least pieces of it since the most part gets on Bucky's lips and around his mouth.  
  
"Now chew."  
  
He does as he is told, afraid of another tickle attack and helpless against Steve's warm and solid presence over him, pressing him onto the fluffy carpet.  
  
His tongue catches the taste of chocolate mixed with marzipan. The cream melting into his mouth. He can't help himself but moan. Again.  
  
Steve smirks.  
  
"See?"  
  
Bucky rolls his eyes and pouts, but nods anyway, continuing to chew on the chocolate praline.  
  
"Can I release you now?"  
  
"I guess so", Bucky mumbles.  
  
Steve crawls away from him. He is still smirking when he makes himself comfortable on the couch again. He places the bowl on his left and the first album on his lap. Bucky notices, that, despite his earlier panic he has picked the album Bucky had chosen.  
  
Bucky is still lying on the carpet trying his best to figure out what the hell just happened. He rubs a hand over his mouth to get away the chocolate cream as good as he can.  
  
Steve pats the seat next to him.  
  
"You comin' or not?"  
  
Bucky gets up and sits down next to him, still scowling.  
  
"I hate you."  
  
"No you don't."  
  
"No I don't." More like the exact opposite.  
  
Steve opens the album and Bucky leans against him to get a better look without thinking anything of it.  
  
On the inside of the cover is a short text written with black ink in a handwriting which clearly isn't Steve's. Bucky recognizes it as that of Steve´s mom Sarah from the various gift cards she has sent him over the years.  
  
 _For Steve,_  
 _The most amazing son a mother could wish for._  
 _Always stay the honest and curious young boy you are and may all your dreams come true._  
 _Love, Mom_  
  
"Your mom made them for you?"  
  
Steve nods, smiling fondly.  
  
"Yeah, she started the first one. After that I just continued to make them. Figured it's a nice way to keep track of important things which happened to me, happy memories. Milestones. Kind of."  
  
"Yeah. I know what you mean", Bucky says. Of course Steve would be sentimental about stuff like that.  
  
"Okay. Enough of the emotional shit. Let's start."  
  
At first there is a picture of a terribly young yet beautiful woman, leaning against an equally young, handsome blond man in a military uniform with sad brown eyes who´s holding a tiny sleeping one-year-old in his arms. Bucky knows the picture. It stands on the mantelpiece in Sarah´s house. It´s the last picture taken of Steve´s father Joe before he died in the war six months after Steve was born. Steve´s parents had barely been eighteen when they received their little boy so Joe had signed up with the army to get enough money to raise their child.  
  
Bucky quickly turns the page to not make Steve sad. Even though he had never really known his father, he still mourns him.  
  
On the next one then, there´s again Steve's mother, a little boy on her lap as she sat on the porch of the house she still lived in. Besides her, on her right was a man with light brown hair and a warm smile. On her left a smirking little girl with straight blonde hair sticking up of her head in little piggy tails.  
  
"That's the day we moved into our house", Steve explained.  
  
Bucky smiled. He's seen pictures of Steve as a kid before but never one where he wasn't an infant. He must've been about five years old by the time the picture was taken. They all look so different. Sarah still looks so young and even more like Steve then now, Steve's step dad Phil still has all his hair and his ten year old daughter Bobbi hasn't gone through her rebellious teenager state yet, leaving her with a constant cocky smile and a sassy wit similar to Steve's.  
  
The first photo on the next page shows two little kids, shoved into warm clothing proudly standing besides a snowman in the backyard of the same house as before. A skinny blond boy, Steve obviously, looking grumpy and a girl with dark curls and a wide grin, showing her teeth gap.  
  
Bucky looks closer at the photo. "Is that Peggy?", he asks.  
  
"Yeah. We used to be neighbors when we were kids, remember? That's the first time we played with each other", Steve says. „There are more pictures of us, of course but I wanted to clue that in. As a mark for the day we became friends.“  
  
"Man you both looked so cute."  
  
Steve blushes a light shade of pink and quickly changes the page.  
  
And so it goes on for the next hour, three dozen pralines and four photo albums.  
  
One of the funniest pictures is the one from Steve's first day of school. Also known as the day he met Clint. Apparently the both of them were the only kids in the school (how unexpected!) to show up in superhero onesies. On top of it in the same one.  
  
The last picture in the first album shows Steve with about fourteen years, sitting on the counter of the flower shop.  
  
"Look at you, you were so tiny, Steve."  
  
Steve huffs out a laugh. "Tell me about it."  
  
"How?"  
  
"I don't know. I was just sick and small. Then I hit puberty and tada! Suddenly people recognized me and even wanted to date me."  
  
"Oh come on. Don't tell me there wasn´t anybody wanted to date you before. You look so pretty and cute."  
  
"Don't make fun of me."  
  
"I mean it. Were you then as you are now? Your personality wise I mean."  
  
"Yeah? I guess. You gotta ask Peggy or Clint that."  
  
"Then somebody should have given you a second chance."  
  
The first one in the third album is again a picture of Steve and Peggy. Both dressed in red ropes and matching heads, grinning at the camera and holding their qualifications into the frame. It is the first picture of the both of them in which Steve was taller than her.  
  
"And that was our graduation day. Brock Rumlow was so mad that Peggy chose to go with me to prom instead of him. He punched Clint in the face when he told him. Poor guy has a broken nose on all his graduation pictures."  
  
"Wait? Officer Brock Rumlow? The guy who works with Nat and Sam? Isn't he like your arch enemie?"  
  
"Yeah, where do you think that comes from? Everyone needs his supervillan origin story, I guess."  
  
"Dramaqueen."  
  
Followed by one of Steve and Kate on their first day at the patisserie school.  
  
And then the matching picture of Steve, Clint and Kate, arm in arm at the opening day of the shop.  
  
The further the pictures got the more familiar everything is to Bucky. And then comes the picture Clint took of Bucky, Steve and Sam carrying boxes of Bucky's stuff into his new apartment.  
  
All three of them seemed tired and totally done but are still smiling at the camera.  
  
"That's an important memory?", Bucky asks insecure.  
  
Steve frowns. "Of course, Buck. You're my best friend. You moving in here? Hella important."  
  
The last album almost entirely consists of memories the two of them had made together.  
  
Birthday parties, New Year's Eve, Christmases.  
  
The tow of them looking like secret agents in their matching black suits at Thor's wedding.  
  
Bucky's favorite one though is one he didn't even know existed. It had been taken on Steve's birthday last year.  
  
Since it was the Fourth of July, the whole gang, meaning the two of them, the four employees, Sam, Natasha, Peggy and Bobbi, had made a trip to the lake where Steve's family used to spend the holidays when Steve and Bobbi where still kids, over the weekend.  
  
On the actual fourth, they had hit a party in the local bar where the theme was to dress in red, white and blue. As time had gone by, most of them left until only Steve, Bucky and Clint where left there, meaning the three of them planned on getting totally shit faced.  
  
And so this picture had been taken. Of Steve in a blue t-shirt with white stars, red jeans and an American flag bandanna had carried Bucky home over his shoulder who had at some point lost his jeans and left shoes meaning he was only in American flag boxer shorts a white tank top with only one matching ChuckTaylor and an Uncle Sam hat.  
The two of them were giving and impro performance of Don't Stop Believing while Clint apparently recorded them on his phone.  
  
He had to pat Steve's back when the blond had seen the picture and broke down laughing, causing him to choke on his praline.  
  
„Shit, I forgot about that!“  
  
And then they reach the last page, showing a picture, from only two months earlier, taken on this year's Halloween at the party Sam and Riley had thrown.  
  
Bucky looks down at the photo of the two of them smiling derpy at the camera. Faces pressed together at the cheeks, Steve´s zombie make-up rubbed on Bucky´s face, hair sticking out under their matching monster party hats.  
  
And then it hits him. A numb, heavy feeling in his guts. As if someone has punched him directly into his stomach. Suddenly he can't breath anymore, he is cold and hot at the same time. He wants to laugh but is also on the verge of tears. Suddenly it all makes sense. He doesn't like Steve a bit too much. He doesn't have a stupid crush on him.  
  
No. He loves him. Because Steve is now the one who provided that feeling of home and family to him. And not in a best friend kinda way.  
  
Before he can think any further about his sudden rise of emotion Steve speaks up and as Bucky looks up from the photo, the blond's gaze is on him, his eyes sparkling fondly.  
  
"Buck…what I meant earlier about feeling lonely…I didn't mean it that way. I meant…"  
  
"Yeah. I know what you meant", Bucky nods. He really, really didn't want to talk about Steve's love life. Since it didn't involve Bucky himself and anything.  
  
"I'm sure you won't stay that way forever", Bucky says, eager to get over with the topic. It´s to intimate, to hurting to handle in his current state.  
  
"Yeah…you're right. I know. But the movie just made me think. Can you imagine losing someone the way the guy in the movie did? When someone you love simply forgets you? In a way that's worse than having the person die."  
  
Bucky agrees. They sit silent for a while. Tension thick enough to cut through it between them. When Steve speaks up again, it´s nothing more but a whisper.  
  
"What if I'd lose you?“  
  
Bucky swallows, he didn't really understand what Steve wants to tell him with that. Though he still can't resist taking Steve´s hand in his own and give it a encouraging squeeze.  
  
"Steve. I'm your best friend and always will be. You're not gonna lose me."  
  
Steve's gaze drops, lips pressed together in a thin line and he closes the album in his lap.  
  
"Yeah. I know that."  
  
Bucky is again hit with a wave of emotion. He can't help himself and shivers.  
  
"Are you cold?", Steve asks in a worrying tone. Bucky´s heart jumps alittle. He reaches behind him to get another blanket but Bucky shakes his head.  
  
"No, no I'm alright."  
  
Steve tucks him into the blanket anyway. Bucky bites the inside of his cheeks to contain his emotions. Exactly that´s why he lovesSteve. But he can never have him.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Steve smiles. "Anytime."  
  
For a moment they just stare at each other. Baby blue eyes meeting ice grey ones and there's a brief moment there where Bucky thinks that maybe, just maybe Steve has the same feelings for Bucky as he has for Steve. And then it is over. Bucky looks away and swallows. The lights go on again, Bucky clears his throat and stands up.  
  
"Ahem. I…I better get going. It's late and you have to get up early tomorrow morning."  
  
Steve rises to his feet.  
  
"Oh. Yeah I…I." He awkwardly shrugs the blanket off his shoulders.  
  
"I'll bring you to the door."  
  
Bucky shakes his head. "Nah, it's okay. I'm good."

  
He turns around to give Steve an awkward wave and heads to the door as fast as he can.  
  
He faintly hears Steve calling after him, but that could have only been Bucky's imagination.  
  



	4. The kids aren't alright

After school, Bucky closes the door to his classroom and decides to skip lunch and continued to finish those damn history papers before heading to his afternoon conference and last day before holiday coffee and cake.  
  
He works for a while and listens to the rain knocking against the window. But can't really concentrate, too much is going on in his head.  
  
Things has turned awkward after last night between him and Steve. It clearly showed this morning, when they ran into each other on Bucky's way to work. Simply muttering good morning instead of their usually playful banter before Steve slipped into the kitchen, cheeks blushing.  
  
Last night had been too much. It had been too much feeling, too much emotion. Bucky was always as honest with Steve as he dared himself to be without being to open about his feelings and last night had been definitely too much.  
  
He is deep in thought as suddenly the door to he classroom opens. Two little boys and a girl walk up to him, their colorful coats wet from the rain outside, obviously debating about which one of them would have to talk to their teacher. Bucky closes the books over the papers and turns around to face them directly. Watching them with an encouraging smile.  
  
"Hello Mr. Barnes", the taller of the boys starts eventually.  
  
Bucky smiles at them. "Hello, Matt. Damien, Maya. What are you guys doing here? You forgot something?"  
  
They look down at their feet, a bit shy and unsure about what to do next. Damien Cooper is a, for his age quiet tall, boy with thick glasses and to long, blond hair. Maya and Matt Hill are twins, both with short dark hair and adorable smiles. They are the children of Maria Hill, an old friend of his, Bucky went to High School with, and the representative of his kids' parents.  
  
"We, um, our parents said that we um...", Matt mutters, receiving an disapproving look from his sister who steps forward immediately and starts talking to Bucky.  
  
"So, look Mr. Barnes, our Mom said that we should thank you for being such an amazing teacher and also Mr. Steve for the cakes you're always bringing. Therefore, we decided to bring you this as a Christmas present. So yeah, here."  
  
She nods towards her brother who is holding a wrapped box and a sheet of paper. The little guy steps forward and shoves the stuff on Bucky's desk.  
  
Bucky looks down on them, his smiling lips slightly trembling with emotions. First he picks up box and removes the blue wrapping paper with silver stars on it. Hidden under it was a box made out of brown carton.  
  
"Open it, open it", Damien hurries.  
  
"Patience, buddy", Bucky says with a smirk. "Shouldn't I wait till I get home so Steve and I can open it together?"  
  
The kids´ mouths gape open. Matt shakes his head vehemently, pouting at Bucky.  
  
"No! Now!"  
  
"Okay, okay."  
  
Bucky starts with the big one. He removes the lid and places it on his desk. Inside the box is a blue and white knitted fabric. He pulls at it and discovers a long, a bit messy looking scarf. At one end the letter S has been woven into it in red.  
  
"We made it. Well… with the help of Miss Carter", Maya states. Of course Peggy would've had her hands in this.  
  
Buried beneath the first one is a second scarf looking like the other one with the only difference being a B instead of an S.  
  
Awesome. Now he and Steve have matching scarfs. Is the whole universe against Bucky? Can't it just let Bucky suppress his feelings like any normal person does?  
  
He then carefully takes the paper and unfolds it. It is a picture, painted with crayons.  
  
It shows a blond and a brown haired stick figure in the front, holding hands. The blond is holding a giant cake in his free hand, the other one holds a blue book in his left one. Both are wearing the scarfs Bucky's just unpacked. Around them are fifteen kids arranged in a circle, holding each others hands as well.  
Every person has their name written above their head and is clearly drawn from a different person.  
  
It is extremely cute and extremely heartbreaking.  
  
"You…" Bucky clears his throat to prevent his voice from trembling. "You thought of that on your own?", he asks curious.  
  
Maya just shrugs it off.  
  
"Yeah, almost. We had a little help from my Mom and Ms. Carter … but anyway ... do you like it?"  
  
Bucky nods, smiling, near to tears. "It's perfect. I'm sure Steve will like it too. It's the best gift I've ever got", he says honestly.  
  
He ruffles through Matt's hair when the sound of a honking car comes from outside.  
  
"That's probably my Ma", Damien says. "We gotta go, bye Mr. Barnes!"  
  
"Goodbye!", Maya and Matt say in unison.  
  
Bucky just gives an awkward wave, still to overwhelmed with feelings. The fact alone that his class wants to give him a Christmas present is already enough, but the fact that they did it for Steve as well?  
  
Bucky turns around, still smiling a bit dumb when a little hand tucks at his shirt.  
  
He looks down.  
  
"Mr. Barnes?" Matt looks up to him from under his to long bangs.  
.  
"Yes, Matt?", he asks encouraging.  
  
"Ismrsteveyourhusband?", he almost whispers in a hurry, Bucky is secretly shocked.  
  
"What?"  
  
He stares down at Matt unable to say something. Why the hell would this kid think something like that? He knows that kids have another concept of love and marriage than grownups but the basic meaning should be the same, shouldn't they? So why on earth thinks Matt that there is something going on between him and Steve? Since Bucky uses all his energy to hide those feelings. Not even his closest friends had found out about it yet and under them there were two cops, an extremely nosy baker and a psychology student.  
  
But somehow that little boy with his honest brown Bambi eyes, who suddenly seems to realize that he has said something inappropriate, has.  
  
Bucky kneels down to be on one eye level with Matt.  
  
"I'm so sorry Mr. Barnes I didn't mean to offend you", he mutters.  
  
Bucky smiles, tilting Matt's chin up.  
  
"Hey, Buddy it's okay. You didn't do anything wrong."  
  
Matt's eyes light up again.  
  
"Okay." And then with more courage. "So?"  
  
"How do you even come to that conclusion?" Bucky shakes his head.  
  
Matt shrugs. "I don't know, it's just. He bakes cookies for us and makes you lunch. My Mom does that for my Daddy. And when I asked her why she does that, he said it's because he's her husband and she loves him. So are you? His husband I mean?"  
  
Bucky laughs, but it is a sad one.  
  
"No, Matt, I … I´m not."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Children. Why has Bucky ever thought being a teacher would be a good idea?  
  
"I don't know, I... I just, well he and I..."  
  
Bucky tears through his left hand through his hair.  
  
„But you love him, don't you? And wouldn't you like him to be?", Matt asks.  
  
 _Yeah, wouldn't you like that? To wake up next to Steve every morning, to give him a goodbye kiss before he vanishes into the kitchen, to let him fuck… alright not in front of small children, James._  
  
So, why lying to an eight year old who won't judge him for anything? "You know what, I think I'd like that. Very much even."  
  
Matt nods, self confident, as if he knows something to high for Bucky's understanding.  
  
"Maybe, you know, maybe you should tell him that. My Mommy always says that honesty is the first step to reach your dream. And getting a husband seems like a pretty big dream to me, you know. And just think about how awesome it must be to be married to your best friend! I wanna marry my best friend. Not now though, when I'm older of course. Like twelve or so."  
  
He thinks about it for another second before he beams at Bucky.  
  
"So yeah, maybe you should tell Mr. Steve that, I think", he yells before running out of the classroom.  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Bury me till I confess

When Bucky comes home from school that day, Steve is neither in the shop nor in his apartment. His friend has gone out and Bucky had no idea where to. On one hand he is glad that he can avoid anymore awkward situations this way but on the other hand…

Clint and Kate are running the cafe on their own for the last two hours before closing at 7pm. They only have half an hour to go when Bucky stumbles through the door, his dark hair soaked through with the rain which is turning the snow outside into cold gray mud. Matching Bucky's mood perfectly.

He doesn't really feel like being alone in his apartment, so he brings his stuff upstairs, takes a book out of his shelves and returns to the shop.

He isn't that hungry and he just grabs a cup off hot apple cider and sits down at one of the tables by the window. He reads up to twenty pages and can't remember a single word he's read so he starts all over again. He sighs. It is a good book, it really is, but Bucky's mind just keeps wandering off.

Off to images of his best friend holding his hand and looking at him with that fond glimpse in his eyes. Images of Steve saying that he can't imagine losing Bucky...

No. No stop! He catches himself. Steve has only meant that in a best friend kinda way, Bucky reminds himself. There was no deeper or even romantic thought behind it.  
‘Best friend kinda way‘ began to sound to him like a sadder version of saying ‘no homo‘.

He can't stop himself though, from wondering what Steve is currently up to. And why he hasn't told Bucky about it. Aren't best friends supposed to tell each other everything? He is pretty sure they are.

He sighs, leaning back against the red bench cushion, looking at the raindrops hitting the glass on his right. It is calming and maybe Bucky would've fallen asleep right there, if not in that very moment a tall muscled figure had slumped down opposites Bucky.

"Alright, Barnes. What's troubling you?", Thor asks leaning back with his broad arms crossed in front of his chest.

"What? Nothing, I'm just tired", Bucky replies. Thor shakes his head in disbelieve.

"No. Something's obviously going back and forth behind those pretty blue eyes of yours, my friend."

"Maybe..."

"Come on, I don't know what you're dealing with, but talking might actually help, James", Thor insists.

Thor only called him James when he was deeply worried and or really angry. Maybe he is right though, Bucky thinks. Maybe he has to talk with someone about his suppressed feelings. Lay open his heart to at least someone, besides his Grandma, who only knows because oft he fact that she has some weird sixth Grandma sense which tells her whenever her grandchildren are in trouble. He hasn't even told his sister yet.

Well, it has only one day since he realized that he is already that far gone on the boy, he tries to remind himself. So it should be no big deal.

Bucky doesn't get to it though, because in that moment Kate approaches their table.

"Hey Thor, same as usual?"

"No, not today", the blond declines. "I'm having a double shift tonight, so I had dinner with Jane first. Just a double espresso for me. To go."

Kate nods, scribbling on her little pad. They are all white with little blue stars at the end and Rogers' Cake Stop written in the typical fine red letters.

Bucky had them made for Steve and the others as a present for the fifth anniversary of the shop opening last May.

Kate looks down at Bucky who has his face now propped onto the table, upon his crossed arms. Softly, she removes the empty cup from his hand.

"And you look like you could use another one of those."

Bucky shakes his head.

"Nah, I'm good."

Thor waits until she has gone over to the next table before he turns back to Bucky and nods encouraging.

"Alright, buddy. Shoot."

"Why are you even bothering? You don't have to deal with my problems, you ain't a psychologist or something. I think I'd be better of with Wanda on that topic."

Thor chuckles. "No, but I'm a barkeeper. That's probably as good and also way cheaper. So what's wrong?"

Bucky raises his head a little to look at Thor from under his bangs.

"Where the hell should I begin with that?"

Thor looks down on his phone, checking for the time. "You know what? I got to go in a few to prep the bar for the evening and that sounds like a longer story. How about you come over in … let's say an hour? I'll give you a few beers on the house and you tell me everything."

Bucky thinks about it for a moment. His original plans consisted of himself, laying on his couch, drinking cheap bear and watching Shameless until he would fall asleep, since all of his friends seemed to have better things to do when spending time with Bucky.

Especially one friend.

So he just shrugs and takes Thor up on the offer. Maybe he'll be able to get some relief from it.

"Okay", Thor says with a smile as he takes the paper cup from Kate and gives her a five dollar bill.

"Keep the change. See you later, Barnes." Bucky gives him a small wave and gets up.

"You okay?", Kate asks him, looking worried. He fakes a smile and nods.

"Yeah, it's going to be. Soon. At least I hope so."

Kate rubs his arm fondly. "Alright, if you say so. Just know that we're always here for you to talk." She turns around and begins to walk away, but Bucky stops her.

"Hey you know where Steve is?", he says before he can prevent himself from doing so.

She looks at him as if she is trying to figure out what is going on in Bucky's head.

"No. I've got no idea. I'm sure he's okay, though", she answers.

"Yeah, yeah", Bucky rubs his neck uncertain how to respond. "It's just ... he didn't tell me and Friday's regular our movie night. Or 'what-ever-we-want-to-do-night', basically just Steve and Bucky night, you know?"

"What the hell is a 'Steve and Bucky night'?", Clint asks from behind them. Bucky hasn't even realized that the man was listening. Kate just smiles and joins him behind the counter, whispering something to him and leaving Bucky to awkwardly stand alone in the middle of the room.

He sighs and strolls away to the back and up to his apartment. He puts his book back, strips down and showers for almost half an hour. Trying to drown his thoughts under the hot water.

Changed into black skinny jeans and a black and white baseball shirt Bucky opens the fridge to search for something to eat and settled on a piece of two day old, cold pizza. Though in Bucky's opinion this was the best way to consume pizza.

Bucky grabs the keys and some money, closes the apartment and leaves through the side door. He doesn't have the nerves for Kate's pity and Clint's asking looks.

He jogs over the street to get out of the cold air as soon as possible. The bar is almost empty when Bucky arrives. There is no one besides one guy, who is sitting besides the door and chatting with a waiter Bucky doesn't know and a few girls getting colorful cocktails from a waitress. She on the other hand he knows. Her name is Darcy and she greets Bucky loud and cheerful when he enters. Thor is standing behind the bar, rearranging bottles, alarmed from Darcy he looks up and waves, smiling at Bucky.

"Hey", Thor greets him when Bucky sits down on one of the bar stools. "It's good that you're here. I wasn't sure you would actually come."

Bucky shrugs. "Yeah, me neither. Like you said. Maybe I need to share my problems."

"Well then. Let's start easy", Thor says and places a beer in front of Bucky. He takes it thankfully.

"I still don't know where to start to be honest", Bucky admits chuckling kind of nervous.

Thor smashes his fist down on the counter smiling widely and encouraging. "Drink and then just out with it!"

"Okay but in that case, I'm gonna need something stronger than beer." He downs the bottle anyways.

Thor watches him doing so, waiting for Bucky to start while preparing another drink.

"I think I'm in love with Steve", he blurts out.

Bucky is shocked how easy it is to say it. Really admitting it for the first time. To someone else than himself.

He waits and observes Thor's face to see his reaction. The blond just nods slowly. There is no pity or worse, judgment in his expression, just understatement and interest.

"You think?"

"I'm pretty sure actually."

Thor pulls out a shot glass, filling it with vodka.

"Drink!"

Bucky downed it.

"So you're bisexual?", Thor asks.

Bucky blinks. "Honestly? I don't know. I mean that's the logical conclusion isn't it? But on the other hand, I've never really felt any kind of attraction towards men before I met him, do you know what I mean?"

Thor slowly nods again, then shakes his head smirking.

"Bucky. Your phone background is digital art of a half naked angel holding another, also half naked man in his arms and that one time I heard you say that, and I quote: Death through sex with Sam Winchester is an more than acceptable way to die! I think you were never really straight."

Bucky blushed a little.

"Maybe you're right. Thanks for not judging me though."

Thor chuckled. "My brother is polysexual and genderfluid, how could I?"

Bucky takes a sip of his cocktail. It´delicious, tastes like vodka, strawberries and mint. Then he continues to speak.

"I think it's best I start right at the beginning I think."

And so he begins to tell Thor the story of his stupid, oh so stupid crush and how it turned into something much worse.

It all had started about one and a half years ago. Since returning to New York, Bucky hadn't really properly dated anyone. Not that he had before. His first and only serious relationship had been in High School with this girl, Lilly, who moved to Canada after eight months. Not that he necessarily wanted one. He was quiet happy with sleeping around and living his life without a partner or having any responsibilities besides his job and friends.

Steve on the other hand wasn't that interested in having sex with strangers. He knew that. They were best friends. They talked about stuff like that. And it was okay, without any judging or jealousy. He also knew about Steve's bisexuality. That was something his friend had been quiet honest about with him right from the start. Making sure that Bucky wasn't some kind of bigoted asshole. Which he, of course, wasn't.

Anyways. Bucky had rarely seen Steve with anyone. No matter if boy or girl. Steve though lived downstairs from Bucky and witnessed the walk of shame of Bucky's one night stands leaving pretty often. And on certain occasions even helped Bucky to get rid of them.

That's just how it was between them for about one year since they became best friends. And it was good how it was.

And then came the day in late April last year. Bucky had attended his sister's wedding, who had returned to the U.S. after finishing her study, and bad been gone over the weekend. He had taken the last flight from San Francisco and arrived at 6am on Sunday morning. He was in a surprisingly good mood when he arrived at home. His little sister was happily married and got a job at some big publishing company, living the life she always wanted. And Bucky, of course was happy for her.

Rebecca was back in the same country as him and Bucky could see her when ever he wanted to. It was also awesome to be in San Francisco again, to meet up with a few of his old college buddies, visit the old places. And now he was, for the first time since his parents died, returning home to his own apartment, to people other than his grandma, which he loved and had missed spending time with.

When the cab threw him out in front of the cafe he shouldered his gym bag and entered the building through the side entrance. Bucky didn't go up to his own apartment, he just took the spare keys for Steve's apartment out of his pocket and opened the apartment door.

"Hey, Rogers!", he yelled, throwing the bag on the floor. He heard the sound of the baker's shower and smirked. Perfect, so his friend was already awake. "I'm back, get your ass out of the shower and make me some of those amazing yeast waffles. I'm starving."

Bucky went straight to the fridge, taking out a bottle of cranberry juice and drinking it directly out of the bottle. He leaned against the bar and heard the shower being turned off. Steve must've heard him. Bucky waited, finishing the bottle of juice, putting the empty one in the trash and leaned back again against the counter. The doors opened and he heard footsteps coming down the hallway.

"About time", he teased. Then a man rounded the corner. A man who clearly wasn't Steve.

He was about as tall as Bucky, had the same dark luscious hair, blue eyes and a confident smirk.

"Um." Really eloquent Barnes.

The guy looked him up and down, took a step towards him and held his hand out for Bucky to shake.

"Hey, I'm Neal. You must be James. Steve's neighbor from above."

Bucky nodded, in the same rhythm as she shook the guy's...Neal's hand, lips slightly parted. He must have looked like a complete fool.

"It's Bucky actually", he slowly pressed out. "Did...did he call me James?"

Why did he even ask that? God damn it. He was Bucky fucking Barnes. Always eloquent, sassy and straight forward. There wasn't a simple person he wasn't able to seduce, and yet here was, drooling like an idiot.

Neal laughed, shaking his head and gesturing towards the kitchen tiles were two mugs were placed besides the sink. They were presents that Clint had gotten all of his friends for Christmas last year. Steve's was dark blue with white snowflakes and had Steve written on it while Bucky's was red with little Christmas trees and James on it since it was impossible to get one with Bucky as an imprint.

It were the ones Steve and himself had drunken coffee out of last week. Bucky wasn't even sure why his was here at Steve's or why they had used Christmas mugs in April.

"I just asked. Call it a small act of jealousy", the guy explained, smiling a bit embarrassed. Bucky tried to smile back but it came out more like a weird grimace.

The guy... Neal...seemed to realize the tension too by now. He cleared his throat and grabbed the dark blue jacket from the back of the couch. He smiled again and waved at Bucky.

"Well, I have to go now. Stevie's still in the shower, but he has my number. If you could tell him to call me? It was nice meeting you, James. Bye."

Bucky just stared after him. Blinking in confusion. No one, no one had ever called his best friend Stevie besides him. And no one would do that again, he thought in a sudden rise of possessiveness.

When Steve came out of the shower, only in a towel Bucky didn't make a comment about it.

He tried to think as less about it as possible. But it haunted him, every hour of the day, for months, even in his dreams.

Thoughts about how smuck Steve had seemed afterwards. The extra swing of his hips as he walked over to make Bucky his waffles. Thoughts about why it was so weird to him that Steve has had sex with a guy even though it didn't bother him a bit when it came to his great cousin Teddy and his husband Billy or Sam and Riley.

Tried not to think about how the guy looked slightly like Bucky himself. Maybe even more than slightly.  
Tried not to think about the sting in his chest. Directly where his heart had missed a beat when Neal had called him, his Steve, by the nickname Bucky'd given him.

"I thought it would go away", Bucky says, wiping a tear, a single man tear - no James, now's not the moment for a Supernatural reference - away while he plays with the paper on his sixth? seventh? beer bottle.

"And from your emotional outburst, I take that it didn't."

"More like the exact opposite." Bucky looks up at Thor, and Darcy who has joined them ten minutes ago. The blond guy has stayed the last half an hour with Bucky letting his co-barkeeper Erik do most of the work.

"I know he's not even slightly interested in me but I think he's the one. You know. My person."

"I think it's pretty special since you fell in love with him because of his personality and not because of his all-american beefcake appearance."

Bucky nods. That's exactly how it is.

"How was it for you? When you met Jane I mean. When did you know that she is the one?"

An absent smile spreads across Thor's face at the memory.

"I don't know. Though, there was this moment and I just knew. It was something pretty simple, she stood in my kitchen and tried to make lasagna. Believe me that woman is a brilliant scientist but the worst cook I've ever met. She dumped the whole thing onto the floor and in that moment I acknowledged all the small things about her that made me be the happiest man alive. You understand that?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I always thought that were the things that made me like Steve as my friend, you know? Like how I feel better as soon as he's with me or how I want him to be happy even if it has a negative effect on me. Or the way he's constantly surrounded by the smell of fresh baked cookies and how his caring behavior makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. As if I will never be lonely again as long as he's there."

"Maaaann", Darcy cries out. "That doesn't sound like just 'friendship' to me. Not a bit "

"Yeah, I know that now."

"Would it´ve made any difference if you'd known it before?", Darcy asks.

Bucky shakes his head sadly, trying not to tear up again. No. He doesn't think that it would've made a difference. It never would.

His heart broke a bit more.

A large group of college guys and giggling cheerleaders enters the bar loudly at this very moment and Thor's attention snatches to them. Darcy has already made her way over. The blond frowns and puts a big warm hand on Bucky's shoulder, squeezing it lightly.

"Listen man. I have to go and help Erik but if you want my advice, and I think you want it since you came and told me everything. I know you think that Steve has no feelings for you, but you can't be sure about that. I mean you're hiding yours pretty well. So my advice is, talk to Steve. You owe it to both of you to find out if this is really as hopeless as you think or maybe just the start of something great."

"But what if…"

"No. I don't think Steve's the kind of person to just drop you after a confession like that. So make your mind up and until then, or at least until we close, you're more than welcome to stay and drink your sorrows away for now."

"Thanks man. I mean it. Really", Bucky says honestly.

"Anytime", Thor answers, passes him another drink and leaves.

Bucky stares at himself in the mirrorwall behind the bar. He looks a bit tired and sad but apart from that…the same as usally. Shouldn't he look different? He sure as hell feels different after confessing his love for his best friend openly for the first time after he realised it himself only twenty-four hours ago.

Thor is right. He needs more alcohol.

It takes about half an hour before he bonds with the girl sitting on his left, soon after her friend drops her to make out with some random guy in the bathroom. Her smile's warm and honest despite her open flirting attitude. The girl has wavy golden hair and brown eyes.

They talk, they laugh and he buys her a few drinks. As the bar gets emptier, the drinks get heavier and the moment comes that the girl - Angie, how he's learned by now - leans over to him and carefully places hand on Bucky's forearm.

"So you said your apartment is right across the street?", she asks in a slow, seducing way.

Bucky nods slowly, playing with the empty class in his hand. Maybe that's what he needs, a meaningless one night stand to forget about his stupid crush. To, and if only for a few hours, not only think about his incredible handsome best friend and how much he loves him.

He looks up and met Thor's eyes from across the bar. The tall blond raises the corners of his mouth in a sad smile and slightly shook his head.

'You're gonna regret that. Don't hurt yourself like that' Is what that means.

He looks back to the girl and into her hazel eyes. They are the same color as the whiskey in his glass has had. Steve's are lighter, he thought. More like the sky on a sunny day, the ocean at the Californian coast in late spring. Simply beautiful.

"So?", the girls asks and Bucky is immediately reminded of a young little boy asking him something with the same phrase only a few hours earlier.

He gently removes her hand from his arm, his head suddenly hurts.

"I'm sorry", he says. "I can't."

The girl frowns, raising her eyebrows. "You got a girlfriend or something?"

Bucky huffs out a laugh. "Ah fuck. Listen, that has nothing to do with you. You're really pretty and nice. I really liked talking to you and maybe a few months ago I would've been totally down with this, but now there's this guy, you know... and... well I … I just realized, that it's not just a stupid crush and that I'm in love with him. But, yeah, it's a dead end you know. But does that stop me? No. So, I'm sorry."

"No, no. You don't have to be. Unrequited love sucks. Believe me, I know that. Why else do you think I'm here and flirt with some random guy I just met? No offense though."

"None taken."

He joins her laugh, and suddenly, Bucky finds himself ordering more drinks and telling his story for the second time this evening. In reward, Angie tells him about the guy she met a few months ago. He is apparently the most beautiful being in the whole world(though Bucky doubts that since he knows that this position is already taken by Steve), Angie's boss and on top of anything else, married with a child.

It somehow cheers Bucky up to know, that he wasn't the only one whose love life sucked.

It is 3 am when they finally leave the bar and that only after making out in the bathroom to cheer each other up (it somehow helped? It did. Sure? It did! Shut up!) and because Thor kicks them out. He gets Angie's number and promises her to keep in touch before she heads over to the subway and Bucky makes his way across the empty street.  
He does feel better, somehow at least. The first time, with Thor it had hurt to tell about his stupid crush, with Angie he feels more relieved and understood.

His mood has lightened until he steps into the cafe, turns on the light and feels the whole buzz of his inappropriate (at least for an elementary school teacher) high alcohol consume. He needs something to eat.

Shrugging his jacket off and just throwing it on the floor, Bucky stumbles into the kitchen. Steve lets his employees take home however much they liked from the left over pastries and kept the rest in a fridge in the kitchen for whatever occasion.

Well, Bucky technically isn't Steve's employee but he doesn't think that matters much. He just takes a plate with pieces of various sorts of left over cake. His search for a fork remains unsuccessful so he just takes the first utensil he finds. Which happens to be a silver ladle. It is a bit messy and uncivilized but Bucky doesn't care. Not a bit.

He just leans over the counter and shoves something that tastes like strawberry cream into his mouth, dropping half of it on his shirt. Shit. He really likes this shirt. Bucky puts the ladle down and pulls the shirt over his head. He shivers but the cold isn't to bad. The alcohol makes up for most of it. He just throws the shirt away and continues to eat.

After a while there is the noise of the kitchen door opening behind him.

"Bucky?"

He stops in his track, puts as careful as he is able to in his still highly intoxicated state, the plate down and turns around.

He doesn't need to though to identify the person behind him. He knows this voice, the way he says his name, always a mixture of friendliness, humor and fondness. Though now it has a hint of worry and sadness in it. Sounds almost broken.

Bucky, just capable of doing so catches the emotions in Steve's voice, swallows the piece of cake and turns around.

Steve's eyes are red as if he has cried and Bucky feels a tiny bit more sober right away. Where the hell has Steve been? What has happened to him? Things Bucky wants to ask but for the first time he doesn't ramble to overcome his feelings for Steve.

"Steve. Hey?"

The blond shakes his head slightly. He rubs his eyes and sniffles.

"Bucky what are you doing here?"

" 's hungry", he drools.

"No Bucky, I meant what the hell were you up to?"

Bucky tilts his head to the side and frowns, glaring angrily at Steve.

"What I've been up'tah? Where were 'ah Stevie? It's Friday.… Friday is Steve and Bucky night."

He's proud of how, more or less, clear he managed to say it. Though his Brooklyn accent deepens whenever he is drunk.

"Steve and Bucky night? Buck, I'm sorry. I didn't know it meant that much to you. I…"

Bucky interrupts him, taking a step towards him.

"You weren't 'ere, 's all that matters. So I went to Thor an'ad fun with mah new friend."

Steve lifts his eyebrows in disbelieve and confusion while Bucky tries to remember her name.

" 'er name's Angie. Really nice gal, really funny. Think I already like her better than you."

Steve swallows hard and clears his throat. Were those tears in his eyes?

"That's nice for you Bucky“, he mumbles.

Steve nibbles at his bottom lip and puts on his typical sad worried puppy look.

"Mhm… and really pretty..."

He trails of eyeing Steve properly for the first time since his best friend has showed up. Because of Bucky's drunkenness, Steve's whole appearance is a bit blurry where he doesn't directly focus on, which makes him look more like some supernatural being than a man.

Although he notices Steve's low hanging jeans and combat boots as well as the as ever two sizes too small light blue long arm shirt he wears under his leather jacket. Apart from the crying his evening seemed to had gone pretty good. Bucky's chest hurt with the thought. Steve's hair is a mess as if someone has buried his hands in it and his lips were red and flushed, his eyes glistening with the remains of the tears he's really obviously shed.

"Just so pretty." Without realizing it Bucky concentrates more on Steve than on the story he is telling and his thoughts slip out of his mouth. He makes a step towards his friend.

"Those… sad blue eyes and… red kissable lips. So, so kissable. Soft hair and…"

"Buck, you're not yourself right now", Steve cuts him off. A sharp edge to his voice.

"I…I'm drunk as shit."

"No kidding."

"No…no, I, I just…", he trips and leans against Steve's broad chest as the blond catches Bucky with one arm slung around his waist and the other steadying Bucky's shoulder.

"…I'll just lay here for a bit. That's okay?"

"Yeah Bucky", Steve says, a sad smile carrying in his voice. "That's okay."

Bucky tightens his fists around the fabric of Steve's soft shirt, clings to him to hold himself in the then and now. Steve shifts him up to hold him properly in his arms.

"I'm so so very thankful for you Stevie, you know that? I don't know how I'd life without you", Bucky murmurs looking up to Steve. Their faces are only a few inches apart from each other.

The warmth, Steve's strong arms around him. It is all to much for Bucky's feelings and the words had just slipped out.

"Bucky…" Steve's breath hitches and his eyes on Bucky darken. But maybe it is just Bucky's foggy mind playing dirty tricks on him.

He slowly strokes Bucky's sweaty hair and back as the drunken man mumbles. His mouth presses against Steve's collarbone.

"Sssure…. youah mah bestest of friends."

"Oh Buck…"

After that everything goes black.


	6. Trouble seems to follow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said that would be a "little thing for the holidyas"? well here is the holiday part but it´s the end of May... that worked out well.... anyways next up: little bit of angst, then fun, then more angst

Bucky looks into the bathroom mirror. He looks...well different for a first, but in a good way.  
He has his freshly cut hair pushed up and slightly disheveled in a just woken up kinda way. Kate has showed him how to keep it fixated with enough hairspray so it would stay up till next week. Probably.  
  
The dirty trench coat covers almost the entire black suit and reaches down to his knees. Clint has knotted the blue tie to make it look as crappy as the original.  
  
"Looking hot, Barnes."  
  
Bucky is startled by the sudden voice behind him. He turns around to see that Kate is leaning against the door frame, nodding in agreement. Grinning like the sassy devil she is.  
  
"I look dumb. Who even thought it was a good idea to throw a costume party for New Year's Eve?"  
  
"Nah, it's really nice, Buck. I almost expect you to flip an angel blade out of your sleeve and go on a murder spree to save the Winchesters."  
  
Bucky frowns, fixing his gaze on her.  
  
"I don't understand that reference."  
  
"Idiot", Kate chuckles, turning away to get the cape attached to her sexy vampire costume.  
  
"Don't you mean Idjit?", he yells after her, continuing to look at himself.  
  
Yeah, he thought, that could work.  
  
Ten minutes later, Bucky, Kate and Clint are on their way across the street to Thor's bar where most of the others are already partying.  
  
Clint, who has insisted on wearing his Green Arrow costume for the fifth time in a row is already buzzed from one of the bottles of wine Bucky has kept in his kitchen and which Clint has downed while waiting for Bucky to finish dressing.  
  
He is in the best mood, singing some 80s rock song totally off key and dancing over the dark street. Kate laughs and soon sings along.  
  
Bucky on the other hand is extremely nervous. He hasn't talked to Steve since that night a week ago, after his drunk confession to Thor and the following drunken brake down.  
  
Now that it is barely minutes until he would meet Steve again, the terrible memories of the past week come all rushing back.  
  
Steve has spent Christmas with his family in Vermont where they always went on vocation over the Holidays. The next morning, or noon when Bucky's woken up with the worst hangover, Steve has already been gone. He couldn't remember how he had ended up in his bed but he assumed that it had been Steve´s work. Most likely, especially since he had found a bag with peanut butter chocolate muffins in front of his door, Bucky´s go to hangover snack. Which just had made things worse.  
  
It wasn't really unusual that Steve had already been gone. It wasn't that Steve had to tell him goodbye. It just would've been nice. Since he had said Clint and Kate goodbye and even stopped by the police station to wish Sam and Natasha happy holidays.  
  
Isn't Bucky worth as much? Maybe even more. Or isn't he Steve's best friend? He must've said something wrong while he was drunk. What else could be the reason for Steve's behavior?  
  
Thoughts like that had haunted Bucky the whole last week over. He may have had the worst Christmas ever. The day of Christmas Eve he´d spent curled up on himself watching a Christmas movie marathon on TV and stuffing muffins and Chinese take-out into himself. Christmas Day he had celebrated with his grandma, sister and brother-in-law, the next one with his friends. 

 

The rest of the week wasn´t much of a difference. Since the shop was closed over the holidays there hasn´t been any kind of distraction. He went to the cinema with Peggy, watching the new Star Wars Movie, had another game night with his grandma and her firends and spent the rest of the time finishing Shameless and starting Orphan Black.´, surviving on microwave cake and missing Steve´s fresh pastries.   
  
All the time over he hasn't really managed to relax or enjoy himself because from Steve there has been no life sign all week, he has only once texted Bucky to wish him Happy Holidays and a Merry Christmas. It was kinda unusual for them that they didn't talk for a week.  
  
Okay. Very unusual.  
  
Even when Bucky was on a school trip or Steve at one of his patisserie work shops, they texted back and forth the whole day - and on occasion even called each other to. He hoped, that Steve was just to busy with his family.  
  
Though, even that was strange. All the times before, even over holidays or birthdays and other family gatherings he always texted Bucky after a long day and complained about certain family members.  
  
But not this time.  
  
So what if Steve is angry at him? Well not that Bucky could remember a word he's said to him. What if he...what if he's told Steve how he felt? He should've joined Clint in his pre-party drinking. Then he'd certainly be more relaxed and less anxious.  
  
_Relax, Barnes! He tries to tell him self. It's a party not your execution._  
  
Besides, it is New Year's Eve. Tomorrow is the start of a new year, a better year Bucky hoped. Maybe this will be the year he would get over his stupid crush and find a nice girl to…okay who was he kidding?  
  
He lets out a deep sigh and turns Clint's attention on him.  
  
"God Bucky, you're terribly contemplative tonight. Stop ruining the mood and loosen up a bit pal", he drools, launching himself over Bucky's shoulder.  
  
Before he can answer though, they arrived. Kate opens the door and they enter into a pool of heat, sweat and loud music. Thor has opened the doors to the back hall and turned it into a dance floor. Everything is overly decorated with balloons and glittery garlands.  
  
Bucky keeps tugging at his sleeves and glancing around nervously.  
  
"Alright, where are the others?", Kate asks standing on her tiptoes and trying to get a better look around the bar.  
  
She does't have to search for long though.  
  
"BUCKY! ", Darcy cried out, rushing over in her cat costume, looking equally cute and sexy. She hugs him, then the other two, grabs Kate's wrist and pulls them with her.  
  
At some point on their way they get something to drink shoved into their hands as she pulled them to the back where Sam, today dressed up as a football player and Natasha in a witch dress, are playing beer pong with werewolf Thor and two soldiers, Bucky doesn't know.  
  
And there, in the back, watching them and laughing loudly and throwing his head back while doing so, is Steve, dressed up as...  
  
"Are you fucking kidding me?", he blurts out, drawing all eyes on him. He is looking straight at Steve though.  
  
His landlord and best friend is looking - pun not intended - hot as hell in a black undershirt, under a gray v-neck, under a blue plaid shirt under a leather jacket.  
  
His hair is styled to look more like Dean Winchester and less like Steve Rogers and instead of being clean shaven like usual he is sporting a light stubble.  
He even drew an antipossesion sign directly under his left collarbone and the mark of cane on his right forearm. They peaked out under the wide collar and sleeve of his several shirts.  
  
God, the last thing Bucky now needs was his crush on Steve to be increased due to his crush on Dean Winchester.  
  
Steve looks at Bucky in return and chokes on his beer unable to control his laughter. He even slaps his knee like the nerdy grandpa he is.  
  
Natasha pats him on the back, not really helpfully, looking puzzled as why her friend is laughing like maniac. She looks up to where Bucky is standing. Her eyes light up and she joins him. It takes a few minutes and Steve is able to talk again.  
  
"I can't believe it. Really, Buck?"  
  
"You can't believe it? I…that…"  
  
Kate comes up behind Bucky and looks Steve up and down.  
  
"Oh, so you went with the blue shirt I suggested. Thought it would go better with the tie."  
  
Bucky and Steve both stare at her.  
  
"Wait. You knew?", they ask in unison.  
  
"Yeah, sure. I thought you two planned that."  
  
"No!", they shout at the same time.  
  
"Wow, unbelievable. They are really meant for each other", Natasha mutters from where she has come to a hold at Bucky's to welcome her boyfriend. Before Bucky can ask her exactly she means with that, she trails of to dance with Clint.  
  
"Well, I think I'm gonna search for my girlfriend then. If you excuse me?", Kate states, clapping her hands together.  
  
"Oh, she just went away to get more drinks with Riley. I'll join you", Sam says and tags along across the room towards the bar.  
  
Which leaves Steve and Bucky standing there alone, awkwardly avoiding looking each other in the eyes.  
  
"So this is awkward…", Steve mutters and Bucky huffs out a laugh. Then they go back to the uncomfortable silence.  
  
What the hell? It has never been like that with them. In all of three years there has never been a moment of weirdness between them. They usually can't shut up around each other.  
  
And now … first the week of dead silence and now this.  
Bucky's heart is suddenly beating faster. In the negative way. He is hot and cold at the same time while his head hurts. He realizes that he was scared.  
He doesn't like it. Bucky isn't scared. Hasn't been since the night his parents had died and he's decided to be brave. To be strong for Rebecca, for his grandma. For himself.  
  
And now the walls he'd build around himself begin to scatter and those bad feelings come rushing back.  
In that moment Bucky realizes just how much power Steve has over him.  
  
It takes all of Bucky´s courage to get the following words out.  
  
„I think we need to talk.“  
  
Steve gives one short nod and leads Bucky outside oft the bar at his elbow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Talking


	7. And I want these words to make things right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I´m sorry I took so long. I just don´t want to let go... :(

Bucky is more than thankful for the thick material of his trench coat because it started snowing again and the wind is ice cold. He tucks it closer around himself. Because of the cold. Yeah. That. At least that´s what he tells himself. It´s totally not because he needs the extra layer of clothing as a shield around himself.  
  
Though he assumes Steve needs something similar since he crosses his arms in front of his chest, causing the leather jacket to tighten around his biceps…concentrate James, god damn it.  
  
Bucky tries to swallow the big lump in his throat down at opens his mouth to speak, so he ends up yelling with a rough but not breaking voice. “Why are you mad at me?“  
  
Just as Steve says: “Why where you drunk?“  
  
Then both: “What?“  
  
Bucky uncurls the fists he´s tightened into his jacket. Before he can say something, Steve beats him to it, this time. This time he looks directly at Bucky instead of shy to the bottom.  
  
“When I came back you were drunk as shit and rampaging through my kitchen.“  
  
“Uh.“  
  
Bucky closes his mouth after realizing that just stared at Steve with a gaping, kinda surprised expression on his face for what felt like an eternity.  
  
“Wait, wait, wait. So do I get this right? Neither did you say goodbye to me or called or texted me fort he eternity oft he holidays, because I was drunk and maybe made a little bit of a mess in the kitchen? Hell Steve, you didn't even got me a present! I´m your best friend!“ Bucky doesn't know why he realized this just yet, but it´s true. Steve visits his family every year over the holidays and normally he gives his aunt Rosie Bucky´s present and he get it when he has Christmas brunch with her and his grandma. Bucky doesn't know why Steve does it every year since he doesn't do it for any of his other friends but he missed it when it didn't happen this year.  
  
Now it´s Steve´s turn to gape.  
  
“Yeah, well neither did you!“, the blond stutters.  
  
“Ha!“, Bucky yells. “Joke´s on you my friend. I did and you would´ve known that if you would have come up to my apartment like all the other times you return from your family!“ Bucky´s fear and sadness is long gone now there´s just anger and rage left. “What happened? Is it because I was drunk? Did I do something?“ And yep, to soon, there´s the fear again that he has told Steve how he felt in his drunkenness.  
  
“What? No.“ Thank god.  
  
“Then why?“  
  
“Then what´s the problem with me a, at least most of the time responsible adult, going out on a Friday night to grab a few drinks with a friend?“  
  
There´s a blush on Steve´s cheeks and does look really uncomfortable Bucky can't help but notice a bit satisfied.  
  
“Nothing, it´s just… well I would maybe feel better if I knew that so called 'friend‘ you´re so obviously having fun with!“, he mumbles but not without a certain bitterness in his tone.  
  
What? Steve knew Thor? What was he…was this about Angie? What had a woman he´d met once and texted twice to do with that? Bucky couldn't wrap his head around it.  
  
„Well I invited her to come tonight, then you´ll get to know her“, he replied. Though it came out more like a question.  
  
Steve squeezes his eyes shut for a moment and uncurls his fingers a few times in short intervals. Bucky knew that meant he tried to contain himself from yelling. He winced visible. Though not for Steve because his eyes were still shut tight.  
  
Also, when the hell did this talk turn against him? Bucky´s the one who´s supposed to me mad at Steve, not the other way around. He decides to just interrupt Steve.  
  
“Yeah because that´l make things so much better…“  
  
“I´m gonna stop you there. Since we figured out that you have no right to be mad at me for getting drunk I wanna ask you a question. Where were you that night, we were supposed to go see Star Wars?“  
  
Obviously Steve has no clever answer to that. He licks his lips as if to say something but decides not to and just bites down on his bottom lip if to actually prevent him from answering. Which is a move that Bucky shouldn't notice right now is hot as hell. He shakes his head to chase those thoughts away and crosses his arms in front of his chest.  
  
“Answer the question Steve!“ He doesn't yell but his voice, sharp and clear still makes Steve flinch.  
  
“I forgot.“  
  
“Bullshit“, Bucky spits out. “You wanna convince me that you forgot a four years ago established tradition to go to the cinema and dinner at Tony´s afterwards on the day before holidays? Well I ain't buying that“ They´ve done it before every Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, family party or birthday in the four years since Bucky´s moved in. There was no way that Steve forgot it.  
  
“So try again Steve. Where were you?“  
  
Steve raises his hands in a gesture of surrender and takes a deep breath before letting his shoulders fall again. His natural protection mode eventually defeated.  
  
“I was with Peggy.“  
  
Bucky frowns. “What? But why…?“  
  
That´s the big secret? That he had made plans with their friend. He could´ve just told Bucky. She could´ve just tagged a long with them or they could´ve went to a later or earlier time if she didn't want to. Bucky did eventually see the movie with her after all. He didn't understand the … except… no. No way. He tries to remember something from said night and the only picture that comes to his mind is that Steve with his tousled hair and overall disheveled look. No. That couldn't mean… or could it?  
  
“When you say you were with Peggy you mean…?“, he doesn't recognize his own voice he´d never thought he was able to sound that broken.  
  
“That I was with her“, Steve just repeats.  
  
“L…like together?“  
  
Bucky doesn't look at Steve, just at the ground as the blond gasps.  
  
“Yeah…“, he says though it somehow comes out as a question.  
  
Bucky takes as deep a breath. Don't cry, James, he scolds himself. Though he can't help the tingling in his body that feels as if someone pours ice cubes down the back of his shirt while simultaneously punching him in the stomach. Steve doesn't notice. He just keeps on talking.  
  
“Yeah…it´s ahem it´s since that night…? And I ahem. I just didn't know how to tell you? That´s why I didn't call or text. Yeah. Figured it was better to say nothing as long as I didn't know what to say.“  
  
Bucky tries to remember his trip to the cinema with Peggy. She´d behaved like always, threw her popcorn at him when he made fun of her for swooning over Oscar Isaac and laughed over his Star Wars shirt, calling him a nerd. Nothing unusual. She either must have thought that Steve already told him or was going to since he was Steve´s best friend not hers.  
  
“Bucky? Are you listening?“  
  
“Yeah, of course, Stevie“, he says, still sounding heartbroken.  
  
“I´m sorry. It was a dumb move. Normally I would´ve told you right away but it was different this time since Peggy´s already a good friend of yours.“  
  
Bucky looks up to him now. Steve honestly looks sorry, a bit like a kicked puppy.  
  
“Yeah, no it´s okay“, he says.  
  
“I mean it, Buck. I´m sorry.“  
  
Bucky´s lips forms a small smile without him wanting to. “I mean it, too. Nothing to be sorry about.“  
  
Suddenly he finds himself in Steve´s arms. And not in the romantic kinda way in the sorry I hurt my best platonic bro kinda way. If something like that exists.  
  
“Thank you“, Steve mumbles. “For understanding. And for forgiving me."  
  
He hugs Steve tighter and tries not to cry.  
  
“Come on. It´s getting cold, let´s go inside.“  
  
In seconds the party inside has swallowed them again and they make their way to the bar to get new drinks since their beers have vanished from where they have placed them besides the pool table.  
  
This time they don't behave like they´d rather want to avoid each other. They behave like what they are, like best friends, as it should be. But it feels different. It shouldn't.  
  
Steve´s with Peggy. Steve´s with Peggy. Steve is with Peggy.  
  
It´s like a scream in his head, playing in an endless loop.  
  
He thinks about the other ways their talk could have ended. Though he is glad the worst case scenario: they would fight and realize that they couldn't be friends anymore, didn't happen, but he longed for what would have happened if he had just been a little braver. Who knew? Maybe Steve did return those feelings.  
  
No. No he doesn't. He´s with Peggy now, those same voice scream again.  
  
And there it is again, stronger this time, that hot stinging feeling in his heart.  
  
They arrive at the bar and Bucky decides that alcohol is the only way to turn this evening into something else than miserable. The only way to drown his hopes and feelings. Therefore, Bucky needs to get drunk. Again. As fast as possible.  
  
Maybe with enough alcohol, he could if only for a moment forget that his best friend, the man he´s in love with has a relationship with someone else. Someone amazing and intelligent, loyal and funny. The one person Bucky would´ve chosen if he had to pick someone for Steve to love. Besides himself of course.  
  
A nudge at his shoulder wakes him from his depressing thoughts. It´s Steve.  
  
“Hey, I have to talk with Sam for a second. Can you get me a gin tonic and meet me at our table?“  
  
Bucky has only time to spit out a surprised. “Yeah sure.“ Before Steve slips between the mass of people and is gone.  
  
The brunet turns around to order their drinks. The gin tonic for Steve and a zombie as well as two shots of vodka for himself.  
  
Erik gives him a small laugh at his alcoholic beverage of choice as he places the cocktails in front of Bucky. „Someone´s trying to get wasted huh?“  
  
Bucky just gives a half attempted grin and a nod before downing the two shots and taking the drinks and heading to the table their group of friends has claimed as their own a few years ago when they were celebrating Sam´s birthday which ended with them drunkenly carving their names into the big round table at the far end of the bar.  
  
Steve´s still talking to Sam but looks up when Bucky arrives.  
  
“Please.“ Bucky hears Steve whisper to Sam before he fully turns towards him. With a short thanks he takes the drink and downs half of it.  
  
“Wow. Easy tiger“, Bucky jokes, glad that the tease comes easy of his tongue. He silently thanks the two vodka shots.  
Steve smiles and if it seems a bit off, Bucky doesn't give it a second thought. He´ll make the best out of the night. Tomorrow there´ll be a new year.  
  
Just on point Clint runs over to them and launches himself over Bucky´s shoulders.  
  
„Come on, guys. Time for a round of beer pong!“  
  
They laugh at the thought of playing a game Bucky last played on a frat party back in college about six years ago but they join in anyway. Within an hour, round follows after round, drink after drink and Bucky actually has a good time. Even though the voice in his head still hasn't shut up.  
  
Eventually both Steve and Bucky and up sitting at their table, drinks in hand and listening to a story Sam is telling about a guy who avoided being arrested by covering himself in butter. When the song changes, Bucky´s head shoots up as soon as he hears the first familiar ‚do dodo do‘ coming up and empties his long island iced tea, his third one, is mind helpfully supplies, in one gulp and punches Steve against the shoulder.  
  
"Alright assbutt, let's dance!"  
  
"Buck, you know I can't dance“, Steve mutters his face twisted in an almost painful expression he has trouble keeping on in his drunken state  
  
"Steve this is Uptown Funk. There's no way you can mess this up. Just do the steps you still remember from that dance lesson video on YouTube."  
  
He takes Steve's hand, not at all, thinking about the heat of his best friend's palm against his own and pulls him towards the dance floor.  
  
Steve chuckles, sighs and follows Bucky on the dance floor without further complaining.  
  
As soon as they find an empty spot Bucky let´s go of Steve´s hand. Their first moves are sloppy and uncoordinated but soon Bucky´s able to find the right rhythm and his body remembers what to do. He peeks over to Steve who´s not quite as graceful but seems to have just as much fun as Bucky. Ridden from the moment and too much cocktails Bucky just starts to scream rather than sing along. Naturally, Steve joins him.  
  
Though their steps are not really synchronous and mostly improvised they must manage to look at least a bit like they know what they are doing, because within the first minute a small crowd has gathered around them to cheer them on and sing along. Bucky can't help but grin like a total idiot. To his left he recognizes Natasha and Clint arm in arm jumping up and down to the rhythm. In front of them Sam is shaking his head but grinning while Riley and Kate try to get him into their dancing.  
  
The next song, some 90s boy band, comes on, the crowd loosens, everyone dancing on their own now.  
  
“You were right!“, Steve yells over the music.  
“I know!“, Bucky yells back, still grinning.  
  
Yeah, he thinks as the song comes to an end, maybe everything can stay the way it is and he´ll be okay with it. Maybe he can live with that. With Steve loving someone else as long as he stays his best friend.  
  
The song ends and some slow love song comes on, Steve grabs Bucky´s hand pulls him in. He wraps his arms around Bucky´s waist and what the hell is this?  
  
And then the vocals kick in and the words echo through Bucky´s head.  
  
_There's no doubt it was always you_  
  
No. He thinks. He can't.  
  
Bucky clears his throat.  
  
"Um...we don't, though. I mean..."  
  
Steve just shakes his head a tiny bit, smiling softly. Suddenly Bucky is all to aware of their closeness as everything else vanishes around them. He can't hear the music. Can't hear the people partying. Can't feel any warmth apart from Steve's.  
  
Bucky looks up into Steve's glimmering blue eyes looking down on him. Steve's warm, big hands on the small of his back. His own hands on Steve's broad shoulders. Steve's pink soft lips, merely inches apart from Bucky's own.  
  
Bucky swallows. The voice is screaming again. Steve is with Peggy! He ignores it.  
  
"Steve…", he manages. Barely a whisper. But somehow he hears him. The blond crosses the last tiny bit of space between them. Bucky isn't sure if the running heartbeat he is feeling is his own or Steve's.  
  
Only a few more inches…  
  
"James Barnes…"  
  
A hard hand on his shoulder yanks him back.  
  
"Steven Rogers…"  
  
Bucky can't see the woman with the harsh voice behind him but he does see the brick wall of a guy straddling Steve's arms behind his back. He is even broader than Steve and that truly means something.  
  
The woman continues.  
  
"You are arrested. You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say can and will be held against you..."  
  
"Sick Fall Out Boy reference", Bucky's drunk brain feels the need to say.  
  
"Bucky! We're being arrested here!"  
  
With that, they are hauled back and out of the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything is going to be okay! I promise! I just needed a bit of Steggy after Civil War because it just didn't do her justice.
> 
> And I didn't know how to get our two idiots into the situation I needed them to be in.
> 
> Also this is the song they here at the end:  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/3aTjHMTpp8LQwFQk0cSfdZ
> 
> It's an amzing song called forgetting is the hardest part and even though I don't really like the singers voice, the lyrics are beautiful and it always reminded me of Stucky so.
> 
> However, if you click on the link you may discover my stucky playlist on spotify. Check it out if you want to!


	8. One mistake is all that it takes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS!! It´s here. THis is it. The end of the line (sorry). Man this was a journey. When I came up with the idea I thought it would have about 2k and be up before Christmas and now it´s almost the Fourth of July (Happy Birthday, Stevie!!) and over 20k. 
> 
> In my defense this chapter was actually the first one I wrote and rereading and editing it made me laugh so hard (like seriously Buck, control your gay).
> 
> Anyways, I hope you´ll like it!!

“Steve!", Bucky yells when he sees the tall cop closing the handcuffs behind his best friend's back. Steve looks up and meets his gaze from the other side of the police car two of the cops have slammed Bucky against. Steve's blue eyes show the same fear and confusion as Bucky's own. Do you have any idea why this is happening?, the look he gives Bucky says. He tries to shake his head as an answer but the guy just shoves him into the car. Bucky's arm is twisted and he gasps in pain.

"Hey!", he cries out. "What did we even do?"

The dark haired girl opens the door while the other cop shoves Bucky away.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!"

The female cop looks Bucky up and down and shakes her head, stubbornly. "You have no right to receive the cause of your arresting", she says, her voice cold as ice.

"What?", Bucky spits out. "That doesn't make any sense! We didn't do anything!"

The woman just stares at him and the guy straightens his grip, causing Bucky to hiss once again in pain.

"Would you please talk to me?!"

He tries to look at the guy holding him for answers but his eyes catch something better.

"Natasha!", he yells towards the red head currently leaving the bar and searching for them.

"Bucky!"

She runs over to them, placing one hand at the guy's arm. "It's okay, Logan I've got this. Thanks´ Jessica", she says.

"You sure, boss?", the guy asks and loosens his grip still obviously a bit conflicted whether he trusted Natasha to handle Bucky. Well, Bucky could understand it from the outside, he didn't look like the softy he really was, but if this guy worked for Natasha he should know that Natasha could take him one handed and blindfolded. As on cue he shoots him her legendary death glare and he lets Bucky go.

"Oh thank god", he mutters, but before he can really relax, the grip tightens again and this time it is Natasha who is holding him.

"Nat... What…?"

"Shh, I'm sure everything is going to be okay, I'll take care of it, just get into the car and wait until I get to you two again. I'm sure I can clarify this."

The dark haired woman opens the door and Natasha pushes Bucky in, still harsh but probably way softer than the tall guy did with Steve who is sitting besides him and arguing with the cop.

At least they both get the handcuffs removed by the dark haired women before they slam the doors shut and they´re alone in the car.

The inside of the police car is stuffy, small and smells disgustingly after cheap coffee, deodorant and greasy food. The inside is only lightened by the blue and red lights from outside.

Suddenly Bucky's extremely close to Steve. The back of the car isn't that big and they´re both full grown man with their broad shoulders almost touching. He can smell Steve´s cologne, feels his knee against his own. Bucky takes a deep breath and turns towards him.  
The blond tries to smile.

"What's all this?", Steve almost whispers, looking a bit terrified which makes him, in combination with his tall and build figure somehow even cuter than usual.

Bucky shakes his head. For once to answer Steve, but also because he is kinda shocked about himself. Even now, in this totally fucked up situation he can't stop thinking about Steve and what he would do to get into the blond's pants.

"I don't know, I asked Natasha but I think she's as clueless as we are. She said she would take care of it, though."

Steve nods and stared absently at the seat in front of him. When he looked up again his smile is realer and meant to encourage Bucky even though he probably in't that much more optimistic than his best friend.

"That's good isn't it?"

Bucky shrugs. "Yeah, I guess I don't know. It's at least something. „By the way, did you see Sam? Maybe he can help."

Steve frowns. “No not since I talked to him… Wait no, he vanished in the middle of Uptown Funk.“

“Weird.“

“Yeah…“

“Who wouldn't watch our amazing performance till the end?“

That makes Steve breaks out into a fit of laughter. Bucky just smiles proudly that he´s able to even cheer his friend up in this situation. He tilts his head to get a better look at his friend. Though he is smiling at Bucky and looking extremely adorable, his hair is a total mess and he looks as tired as Bucky feels. There is a little cut and a bruise on Steve's cheek. Before he could prevent himself from doing so, he has lifted his hand and reaches forward to stroke Steve's face. He exhales sharply when Bucky's finger meet his skin.

"Ow."

"Don't be such a baby, Rogers", he says chuckling softly. "It's only a little bruise."

"Still hurts", Steve whines, grabbing Bucky's wrist, just holding it. Don't interpret too much into it, Bucky reminds himself. He is still buzzed and this whole situation was fucking weird.

"Maybe you just want to be nursed around by me."

"Keep telling you that. Maybe I just whine pretty fast."

"Even my kids are braver than you."

Suddenly Steve's expression falls and he drops Bucky's hand. His jaw clenches. Which would have been totally hot if he wouldn't have looked so angry. What the hell had he done to upset Steve like that? Before he can investigate that further, the doors in the front are being opened. The two male cops enter the car and Steve addresses them directly.

"Hi, excuse me. Officers? What are we being excused of?"

The ginger one turns around.

"That's not my job. We're just gonna take you to the department. The boss sent the Detectives Jones and Wilson to talk to you there."

"Sam? Thank, god. But he was…"

Bucky is as lost as Steve is. He closes his eyes and leans back in the seat, taking a deep breath. He could cry. What had he done to deserve this? His week has been bad enough and after he was just about to have a good time, it all comes to its climax now.

For a short moment he feels Steve's calming hand on his thigh, then the car stops abruptly and Bucky is thrown against the metal grating between the cops and the two of them.

Shit. He didn't close his seat belt, his forehead is now paying for it. It fucking hurts.

Steve's smile doesn't meet his eyes when he looks at Bucky's forehead. Pointing at where his head hurts the most.

"Now we match."

Bucky nods, rubbing his head. They spent the rest of the ten minute drive in silence. When they pull into the parking lot of the police department. Sam and Natasha are already waiting in front of the building.

Bucky's hopes get up again, even though the dark haired hunk takes his wrists into a death grip again. As soon as the two of them get out of the car they started yelling at their friends.

"Sam!", Steve shouts.

"Natasha!", Bucky joins in.

After that all they blurted out is nonsense since they both want to tell their own part, but also try to support the other one. Natasha holds her hands up and Sam opens the door behind them.

"Relax guys, everything's going to be fine really soon. It just seems to be some error in the system, but we need to interrogate you anyway. With a bit of luck we´ll be done before midnight and none of us has to spent the new year in a police station", Natasha explains.

“Okay“, Bucky says just accepting his state. At some point during the ride he had just come to terms with it and decided to stop fighting it. Well that was until Sam said the following.

 

“I called Peggy, though. Just in case.“

And yeah. Bucky had almost forgotten.

Steve cracks a smile. “Thanks.“

Awesome. Normally Bucky would be happy to spent time with Peggy… shit what if this shit ruined their friendship? Stop worrying, James!, he stops himself. That´ll not be the case. Both you´re friendships will survive this…unlike your heart…

Natasha nods. “That´s probably smart. Perks of being friends with a former law student.“

Oh right. Peggy used to study law before she switched to art and became and Bucky got her a job as an elementary school teacher. That´s why Sam called her. Not because she´s dating Steve. Because how would the guy know when even Bucky didn't until really, really recently?

He shakes the though off as they are led into a cold and empty corridor and Bucky wants nothing more than to hide in his oversize trench coat. He´s stilling holding on to Natasha´s ,error in the system‘ theory but being in the gray and icy building was still intimidating as hell.

"Tim and Logan will take you to one of the interrogation rooms. Gabe and I´ll join you as soon as we've talked to Captain Fury." With that they both vanished into another corridor and Steve and Bucky are brought into a small room in which the only interior consists of a metal desk and four matching chairs.

Bucky throws himself into one of the chairs and supports his head with his arms, while Steve strolls around the room like a restless cat.

"They...they can't do this", he mutters, damaging his hairstyle even more the way he pushed his hands through it. Like he has expected it, Bucky's hair is still in the same position as it has been in when he left his apartment.

"God, why is it so damn warm in here?"

With that the blond shrugs his leather jacket off and throws it on the chair besides Bucky.

Steve proceeds to knock against the mirror behind Bucky and he turns around and reaches to tug at Steve's flannel shirt.

"Come on, that ain't gonna help."

"Yeah. But neither does simply sitting around", he growls shrugging his shirt of as well. As he does so, Bucky too realizes how hot it has gotten in the room, and not only in comparison to the cold corridor from before.

Bucky decides to get rid of his trench coat as Steve is only standing in a loose v-neck in front of him.

He loosens his tie, decides then to put it off completely and unbuttons the shirt half way. Steve watches him while doing so, biting his lip.

Suddenly the room feels a lot smaller.

When Bucky catches him, Steve turns away really quickly, pushing his hair back again. Like before in the car, he seems extremely angry all of a sudden.

"God dammit! What the fuck did I do to deserve this? This...this is hell."

It´s just a phrase but it hurts Bucky anyway.

"Yeah sure. But at least you're not alone, right?", Bucky asks self conscious.

Steve stops in his tracks and leans against the metal desk.

"I'd rather be here alone than with you", he mutters under his breath as if he doesn't intend for his friend to hear it but Bucky does anyway. Bucky is sure Steve can hear his heart breaking across the room.

"W...what?", Bucky stutters, tears stinging in his eyes.

"I…I just…I just can't!", Steve yells and throws his fists onto the desk making it shatter loudly. “I can't do this.“

Bucky winces and grabs the hem of his white dress shirt.

"Argh! God damn it! Shit, shit, shit!", Steve continues to shout and curses. "Fuck! Why is it so hot in here?"

Then he strips his t-shirt off. So now his only remaining clothes are a pair of low hanging rugged jeans, a white tank and combat boots. Bucky may have never seen him that angry but he also hasn't seen him look that hot before. Sure, Steve has been angry before and swore on occasion. Bucky has seen him depressed and heart broken. But never, never like this.

And the worst of all? Bucky has the feeling it is all his fault.

“Steve…“

"No. You know what? I'd rather have anyone else here but you! I mean.…argh! Look at you, you look so sad and cute and so beautiful it's just…god damn it!"

"Steve!", Bucky is now shouting too. "What the hell is wrong with you? What are you talking about? What did I do to you?"

“Nothing! Everything! Gosh.“ Steve covers his face with his hands and looks really tired and worn out all of a sudden.

Bucky stands up. “Steve“, he almost whispers and startles Steve with his sudden approach. “What´s wrong?“

“Nothing.“

“Well I don't believe that you´re fucking furious. Talk to me. Please.“

The please seems to make it because Steve looks up, there are tears in his eyes as he takes a deep breath.

"Look at me, Buck“, he starts. “I'm nice and not that bad looking. At least I've been told that. I like dogs and cake and dumb action movies. I wanna be the person who laughs at your stupid jokes, cooks for you and gets exited about Halloween and Christmas with you… hell, I am that person already. I even like, no wrong, I love your little habits. Like when you can't stop talking because you're so fucking nervous or how you moan obscenely whenever you eat something. It drives me so fucking crazy because it's so fucking hot."

"What are you trying to tell me Steve?"

"What I'm trying to say is, that I love you, Buck. And I mean not like I love you, bro, your my best friend. I mean, that I am deeply, madly, truly in love with you. And it's okay, I´ve come to terms with it. I know you're straight. I know you'll never be able to love me back the way I love you, but please, please don't leave me. You're my best friend."

There's fear spread upon Steve's face as he watches Bucky's expression with anticipation.

It couldn't be true. It couldn't. Bucky's mind had to play him a trick. He must´ve had even more to drink. He was dreaming, hallucinating. His brain was playing a trick on him. That must be it. Not even two hours ago Steve had told him that he was in a relationship with Peggy, Bucky remembered that. How could he ever forget?

"Steve if this is some fucking joke to you!?“

"Bucky…"

"I…I have…"

"Bucky?"

The brunet took a deep breath, then a step back and leaned against the metal table. It was the only way Bucky would not just slide down onto the floor. His legs felt like pudding.

His voice sounds rough is rough and barely more than a whisper when he finally manages to form a real sentence. “You told me you were with Peggy.“

Steve´s mouth falls open. “Shit. I forgot about that…“

Bucky let out a shocked gasp. “You forgot about your girlfriend?“

“What? No.“

Bucky just looks at him. A slight blush on his cheeks that could either come from the embarrassing situation or the heat in the little holding cell. He still can't make sense out of the things Steve´s saying. Steve can't be in love with him. He´s in a fucking relationship. But…what if this is a joke? A damn prank.

“It was Darcy wasn't it?“

“What?“ Steve frowns. „What has she…“

"She told you, that I was in love with you and now you're making fun of me. I knew it. I knew I should have been more carefully about whom to tell about my feelings. Should've stayed with only talking with my grandma and drowning my thoughts in sugar and alcohol. God fucking damn it!", Bucky started to ramble again but he didn't care. "I just… I couldn't take it anymore and I thought that talking to Thor would be a good idea and then I met Angie and we used each other as a shoulder to cry on and we drank to much and. I´m so sorry. I…please, Steve, please. Don't think any less of me now, I… I promise it won't be creepy and I don't want to force anything on you. I…please, please don't make fun of me like that. I understand that you love Peggy and that you… But I… I can't loose you…"

"Bucky!" Steve grabs his wrists and forces Bucky to look him directly in the eyes. Now, they are full of hope. Tears still glistening in the corners as he stared down in Bucky's own with him unknown intensity.

"I´m not dating Peggy. I panicked and made that up so I wouldn't tell you how I felt because I didn't want to lose you. I was at Peggy´s last week though, didn't lie about that. But not because I´m in love with her, because I´m in love with you and it seems like we had the same idea because I too needed to let everything out. Look Buck, I mean it. I love you. And from your chaotic speech I conclude that you love me too. Which is, seriously, the best thing in the whole damn world. And as I see it we talked for long enough so I am going to kiss you now. That okay?"

With that he takes Bucky's face in his hands, who has just enough time to give a small nod before Steve crashes their mouths together.

And just like that, Bucky's world breaks down as he melts into the kiss. There's nothing else anymore, nothing but Steve's warm and soft lips on his own. Steve's hands cupping his jaw, Steve's body pressed up against his after he wakes from his frozen state and wraps his arms around Steve's slim waist.

The break the kiss for only a second, both gasping for air.

"I…", Bucky tried to say but is cut off by Steve pressing small kisses all over Bucky's face. Making Bucky let out a small sigh followed by a moan when Steve begins to suck at his neck.

"Aah", he pants and jerks his head down to put their lips together again.

Bucky brings his hands up to rest on Steve's chest and jaw, finally, finally being able to do so and feels the hard muscles under the thin tank top, he slides his torso up and down. Steve tangles his left hand into Bucky's hair and wraps the other one around the brunet´s hip. Steve takes a sharp breath when Bucky slides his hand under the hem of his tank top, touching Steve's soft warm skin. It isn't the first time, but it has never been…like this. Bucky takes the advantage to slip his tongue in between Steve's parted lips. Completely soaking up the taste of him. He tastes like strawberry and mint from the drinks and something that reminds Bucky of a warm safe hug, of home, of hot chocolate and a crackling fireplace. Of Steve.

Kissing Steve feels different from any other person Bucky has kissed before. Not only because Steve is a man. Which, of course is different. His lips aren't as soft as a girl's ones and the slight stubble he is currently sporting for his role as Dean is a bit irritating. It feels rough on Bucky's skin but so, so good. And his big hands, ugh. The way they are able cup his whole hips and travel even further down. Steve shifts slightly and just picks Bucky up, causing the shorter man to automatically wrap his legs around Steve's slim waist.

Bucky can't help but love being manhandled around like this, like he weighs nothing. They stumble backwards against the opposite wall to the mirrors. Maybe a short, chaste kiss would have normally done it for a first kiss but Bucky feels like he has lost all control and just allows all his suppressed feelings to float out of him.

"Oh fuck, Bucky."

"Steve."

The drawl simultaneous when their half hard dicks brush together through their pants, creating the perfect amount of friction. Steve lets out another deep moan as Bucky bites at the soft skin beneath his jaw and with that even the last bit of Bucky's self control vanishes.

Or would have if he wouldn't suddenly have heard a strange noise somewhere behind him.

A noise like… like…

Steve lifts his head out of Bucky's embrace and stares at the wall behind him.

"You hear that?", he whispers. "That sounds like…"

"…like applause?"

Bucky only loosens his grip far enough so that he can turn half around, his hands still clasped into Steve's shirt.

He's never planning to let go.

They both stare at the one sided mirror, only to look at their own flushed and heated reflection. Then there is a sudden crackling in the speakers on either side of the mirror and soon the clapping gets louder and voices are heard shouting over the applause.

"About fucking time!", a male voice that sounds awfully like Sam shouts.

"Wooohooo“, a couple of female voices cry out, Bucky can't tell apart.

"Please get a room!" Yep that´s definitely Clint.

"Gosh, finally!" And was that…?

"Natasha what the fuck!?", Steve spits out and his face shifts from merrily gazing to angry pinching his eyebrows.

"That's not what I meant Rogers!"

That´s when Bucky´s dizzy brain starts to catch up on the situation.

“This imprisonment was a trap…“, he murmurs, causing Steve to chuckle and press a kiss on his shoulder. “Well, congratulations on catching up Captain Obvious.“

Before Bucky can reply to that, there´s a new voice coming from the speakers.

“You shout your bloody mouth, Steve.“

“Peggy?“, Steve asks with a shocked expression and a blush on his face. “I…I can explain…“

“Oh don't you dare, Steven Grant Rogers! Dragging me into your shit like that. Just wait till you come out of there, I gonna freaking kill you!“ She´s interrupted by Natasha audibly dragging her away from the microphone.

"Alright, I suppose we give them a bit of privacy."

Steve winces then shakes his head and then leans his forehead against Bucky's temple.

"I would say I can't believe they planned this but I actually do believe that, it's a wonder that they didn't come up with something more drastic."

Bucky turned slightly so he could look into his eyes.

"She is right though. We owe them."

Bucky leans towards him and he can almost feel the touch of Steve´s lips against his as he whispers

“Baby, there ain't nothing in the world that´s worth as much as this.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was that. I hope you enjoyed the story. As I said before there´ll be one sequel for sure. Maybe even more, who knows.  
> Thanks for all those who subscribed, bookmarked, left kudos and especially to those of you leaving comments, you have a special place in my heart <3
> 
> (P.S.you can find me on tumblr: http://star-spangled-phan-with-a-plan.tumblr.com/)


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